One of the reasons it’s so easy to slip into habitually criticizing others is that it makes us feel good: <ul><li>When you point out to yourself that someone else is dumb, you’re also implying that you’re smart. And that feels good. </li><li>When you criticize someone else for being naive, what you’re really doing is telling yourself that you’re sophisticated. And that feels good. </li><li>When you silently chuckle to yourself about how terrible someone’s fashion sense is, you’re telling yourself how refined your own taste is.</li></ul>

Criticizing Others

Chronic ruminators develop the habit of constantly replaying past mistakes. No amount of rumination or analysis of your past mistakes will change what happened. If you want to move on with your life instead of staying stuck in the past, you must accept the past for what it is. When in doubt, take action in the present instead of dwelling on the past. Do something useful, right now, now matter how small, and resist the temptation to replay yet another scene from your past.

Ruminating on the Past

Worrying about the future means living in denial about the fundamentally uncertain nature of life.Chronic worriers live under the illusion that thinking is always problem-solving and that planning always leads to greater levels of preparedness. But neither of those are true:<ul><li>Just because you’re thinking about a problem doesn’t mean you’re thinking about it productively.</li><li>And just because you’re planning — running through countless hypothetical future scenarios — doesn’t mean you’re any better equipped to handle them. Often, you’re just making yourself feel more prepared.</li></ul>

Worrying About the Future

“Criticism of others is a form of self-commendation. We think we make the picture hang straight on our wall by telling our neighbors that all his pictures are crooked.”

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”

“To think too much is a disease.”

“He was swimming in a sea of other people’s expectations. Men had drowned in seas like that.”

Unrealistic expectations are a misguided attempt to control other people.Just like ruminating is an attempt to control the past and how we feel about it, maintaining unrealistic expectations is usually a subtle attempt to control other people.

Maintaining Unrealistic Expectations

Most people think about emotional intelligence as a skill, something you can build and train with practice. And while this is partly true, there’s a deeper truth about emotional intelligence that…

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