There are two objectives for behavior:<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">To be self-reliant.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">To live in harmony with society.</li></ul>And there are two objectives for the psychology that sup- ports these behaviors:<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">The consciousness that I have the ability.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">The consciousness that people are my comrades.</li></ul>

Quote #3

Educators and leaders must ascertain the children’s goals instead of focusing only on their actions.

Quote #4

The objective of education is “self-reliance.” And the educator is a “counselor.”

Quote #7

Adlerian psychology is a horizontal relationship–based “psychology of democracy.”

Quote #9

Youth: Love and marriage are the dance that two people make together. Philosopher: You are standing now at the edge of the dance floor of life and watching other people dance. You are assuming that “there couldn’t be anyone who would dance with someone like me,” while in your heart you are waiting impatiently for your “destined one” to reach their hand out to you. You are doing everything you can to endure and to protect yourself, so that you do not feel any more miserable than you do already, and so that you do not begin to dislike yourself.

Quote #15

There is one thing that you should do. Take the hand of the person beside you and try to do the best dance that you can possibly do in that moment. Your destiny will start from there.

Quote #16

Philosopher: Being self-centered does not mean looking only at oneself because one “likes oneself.” In actuality, the opposite is the case, and it is because one is unable to accept oneself as one is, and because one is constantly beset with anxiety, that one has concern only for oneself.Youth: So, you’re saying that because I “hate myself,” I look only at myself!?Philosopher: Yes, that’s right.

Quote #11

The objective of education, in a word, is self-reliance.

Quote #2

Youth: A sickness of the entire classroom?Philosopher: Yes, it is a disease called the principle of competition. What is needed of educators is to look at the community in which the problem behavior is occurring, not at the individual who is engaging in it. And then, instead of attempting to treat the individual, to go about treating the community itself.

Quote #8

Adler says, “You are not living to satisfy other people’s expectations.” And further, “Other people are not living to satisfy your expectations.” Don’t be afraid of who might be watching; don’t pay attention to other people’s judgment; and don’t seek recognition from oth- ers. Just choose the path that is best for you, and that you believe in. Furthermore, you must not intervene in other people’s tasks, and you must not allow others to intervene in your tasks either. To those who are new to Adlerian psychology, this is a concept that has a great impact.

Quote #1

Philosopher: Marriage is not a matter of choosing a “target.” It is a matter of choosing one’s way of living.Youth: Choosing a way of living! Then, the “target” can be anyone?Philosopher: Ultimately, yes.Youth: Don’t mess around!! Who would ever recognize such a statement? Retract that, retract it right away!!Philosopher: I recognize that this is a view that is met with a great deal of opposition. But we are able to love anyone.

Quote #13

Of course, there are many people who felt “destiny” on meeting someone and decided to get married in accordance with that intuition. But that is not a previously established destiny. It is only that one decided to believe it was destiny. As Fromm remarked, “Loving someone is not simply an intense emotion. It is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise.” It doesn’t matter how the meeting happens, if one makes the firm decision to build real love from that point, and one confronts the “task accomplished by two people.” Love is possible with any partner.

Quote #14

Philosopher: Self-reliance is “breaking away from self- centeredness.”Youth: … !!Philosopher: This is why Adler called community feeling “social interest,” and also referred to it as concern for soci- ety and concern for others. We have to get past our obsti- nate self-centeredness and stop trying to be the center of the world. One has to break away from “me.” One has to break away from one’s pampered childhood lifestyle.

Quote #12

By saving another person, one tries to be saved oneself. By passing oneself off as a kind of savior, one attempts to realize one’s own worth. This is one form of the superiority complex that people who cannot dispel their feelings of inferiority often fall into, and is generally referred to as a “messiah complex.” It is a mental perversion of wanting to be a messiah, a savior of others.

Quote #10

Youth: But if you don’t praise them at that point, they’ll lose their drive and turn into children who don’t do anything at all. And in some cases, they’ll start engaging in improper behavior, won’t they?Philosopher: No. You teach them continually that they have worth, even if they are not “special,” by showing them respect.Youth: Concretely speaking, how do you do that?Philosopher: Instead of focusing on whenever a child does some “good thing,” turn your attention to the smaller everyday details of their words and actions. And then focus on and sympathize with that person’s concerns.

Quote #5

Philosopher: The fifth stage of problem behavior is “proof of incompetence.”Youth: Proof of incompetence?Philosopher: That’s right. Here, please try to think about it as if it were you yourself. Though you have taken all sorts of steps to ensure that you will be treated as a “special being,” none of them is going as planned. Your parents and teachers, and even your classmates, are not hating you as you wish them to. You cannot find a “place to be” in either the classroom or at home.

Quote #6

A single book can change your life. Already an enormous bestseller in Asia, with more than 3 million copies sold, The Courage to be Disliked demonstrates how to unlock the power within yourself to be the person you truly want to be. Using the theories of Alfred Adler, one of the three giants of 19th century psychology alongside Freud and Jung, it follows an illuminating conversation between a philosopher and a young man. The philosopher explains to his pupil how each of us is able to determine our own lives, free of the shackles of past experiences, doubts and the expectations of others. It's a way of thinking that's deeply liberating, allowing us to develop the courage to change, and to ignore the limitations that we and those around us can place on ourselves. The result is a book that is both highly accessible and profound in its importance. Millions have already read and benefited from its wisdom. Now that The Courage to be Disliked has been published for the first time in English, so can you

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

philosophy

Philosophy

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

books

Books

Ichiro KISHIMI Philosopher, Adlerian psychologist and translator of English and German languages. Born in 1956.M.A.in philosophy from Kyoto University. Director of the Japanese Society of Adlerian psychology. Former counselor at Maeda Clinic in Kyoto and has taught philosophy and ancient Greek at various institutions such as Kyoto University of Education and Nara Women's University. He presently teaches educational psychology and clinical psychology at Meiji School of Oriental Medicine in Suita, Osaka. Kishimi now has his own private counseling office in Kameoka, Kyoto, and devotes his time to giving lectures on Adlerian Psychology and child education.

Ichiro Kishimi

Fumitake Koga is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. Fumitake Koga has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. Fumitake Koga's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.