• Key Question: Do you feel emotionally safe with your partner? • If you feel fear, tension, dread, or chronic sadness, it’s a red flag. • Emotional safety is non-negotiable. Without it, connection dies slowly.

Emotional Safety: Are You at Ease in the Relationship?

Kirshenbaum’s brilliant trick: Imagine the next year together. If you were guaranteed one really good year, would you stay for just that? If you still hesitate, that’s a big answer: you’ve already emotionally checked out.

The “One Good Year” Test: Can You Imagine a Healthy Year Ahead?

Pay attention to your self-esteem, energy, and joy. If you feel like you’ve become a smaller version of yourself to survive the relationship, it’s a deep sign it may be killing your spirit. Relationships should help you be more yourself, not less.

The Real You: Are You Shrinking, Hiding, or Dimming?

“If staying is killing your joy, your truth, or your soul—even if it looks good on paper—you already know. You just need the courage to act on it.”

Takeaway

Look for recurring patterns (e.g., stonewalling, gaslighting, cycles of anger/withdrawal). Pattern = Prognosis: If the problems keep coming back, they’re likely fundamental mismatches. If one or both of you aren’t changing behavior despite promises, it’s not going to improve.

Patterns: Have the Problems Been Solved or Just Recycled?

You must honestly ask: • Do you trust your partner?• Can you talk openly without fear of punishment or neglect? • Do you feel respected and seen? If the answer is “no” to the above, resentment and emotional erosion are already in progress.

Core Needs: Are Your Deepest Needs Being Met?

Even if you love them, it’s not enough if: • You’re chronically unhappy or stuck. • You’re doing all the work. • You’re fantasizing about being free, more than about being close. Kirshenbaum emphasizes: Love isn’t rare. But love plus compatibility, safety, and growth? That’s the true deal.

The Final Filter: Love Isn’t Always Enough

• Core Idea: Indecision is the real problem—not staying or leaving.• Method: Kirshenbaum offers a series of yes/no diagnostic questions, like a relationship CT scan, that guide you with clarity, not emotion. • Goal: Find out if your relationship is fundamentally healthy or fatally flawed.

The Premise: Clarity Through Diagnosis, Not Judgment

How do you know when it's time to leave a relationship? When do fixable issues become unavoidable barriers? And how to you put your self-worth first? Brilliantly incisive, witty and extremely informative, Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay is the essential companion to every person needs when navigating love and relationships. ________ 'This book empowers you to make changes in your life for the better' 5***** Reader Review 'This book put all my relationship doubts into perspective. I really believe it has saved my marriage!' 5***** Reader Review 'Absolutely brilliant book for anyone struggling to make sense of their relationship' 5***** Reader Review 'This isn't just a book, it's a whole series of top-expert counselling sessions' 5***** Reader Review ________ Every relationship has its ups and downs. But when problems do arise, so often we can't find the way forward - or worse, we accept those issues as part of daily life. In this insightful and thought-provoking guide, internationally renowned therapist Mira Kirshenbaum dissects common (and not so common) relationship issues in a clear and simple way. Above all, she will empower you to make the crucial decision: Are these problems worth working on together, and if so - how? Or are they a sign that you should put yourself first and leave? Empowering and eye-opening, Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay is not just about deciding to leave relationships - it's about helping you to realise what is worth fighting for.

The Real You: Are You Shrinking, Hiding, or Dimming?

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