Often when we’re caught up in a loop or overthinking, we aren’t aware of it. It seems like the right thing to do, to keep thinking about this thing that’s worrying us. But to break out of the loop, we have to notice we’re in it. Signs that will point out to you that you’re in a loop:  For many people, it’s a rising amount of anxiety or worries, an inability to sleep, and an inability to focus. For others, it might be a desire to lash out at someone or to plan or otherwise get control. The key is just to notice you’re in it.

Notice

Once you’ve noticed, the magic trick is to look beyond the thing you think needs to be solved … to the fear underneath. It’s like not looking at the hand the magician is trying to direct your attention to, but to the other hand that is hiding the coin. Don’t look at the object of your thoughts or the problem you need to solve … but the fear that’s having you want to obsess and overthink. What are you feeling right now, in your body?

Turn toward the underlying fear

Before we let go of the overthinking, we have to be with the feeling of fear that’s in our bodies. Otherwise, it’s like trying to calm a freaked-out child by ignoring them. What if instead we could be with the fear and relax with it, so it can relax? Can you feel the fear, as sensation, and stay with it? Can you breathe deeply and slowly, so you can slow your heartbeat and relax with the fear? Can you bring curiosity towards it? If it’s challenging, you might think of it as being with your heart.

Be with the fear

Ask what your fear could use right now — some compassion, some music, a nice cup of tea, journaling or a walk? Then ask what’s needed in the situation you’re overthinking — what’s the simplest thing that you could do here, what’s the simplest way you could speak from the heart? Then trust that, breathe, and move to the present moment.

Ask what’s needed

What’s something right in front of you that you could focus on?It might be the light in the room, nature, or another person. Or it might be answering an email or writing a blog post.

Turn toward something right in front of you

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

mindfulness

Mindfulness

mentalhealth

Mental Health

How to Let Go of Obsessive Overthinking

Pathological anxiety is defined by its intensity, disproportionality, and functional impact.When it comes to anxiety, doing what feels most self-protective often just reinforces our fears.Exposing ourselves to our fears and learning how to tolerate anxiety is the key to its extinction.

Key Ideas

Like many <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/psychiatry">psychiatric</a> symptoms, <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/anxiety">anxiety</a> can be conceptualized along a spectrum that ranges from the normal to the pathological. At the normal end, anxiety represents an adaptive human response that's part of the body's warning system that alerts us to dangers. It often manifests as transient <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/fear">fear</a>, causing us to step back from threats—like snakes and heights—that could cause us serious harm or death. And it can also take the form of more persistent worry about potential or ongoing threats, ideally providing the kind of <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/motivation">motivation</a> we need to take action.

To Be Or Not To Be

When anxiety becomes pathological, it's often because of its intensity, disproportionality, and functional impact. When anxiety and fear intensify to panic and when worries blossom into disproportional mental ruminations about imagined rather than actual threats, the result is that we often freeze up or get stuck in our heads to the point of immobility. And since normal anxiety is a necessity for survival, not having any anxiety would also put us in harm's way. Pathological anxiety prevents us from taking the necessary action to figure out how to deal with the issues that lie at its root.

Pathological Anxiety

Because excessive anxiety is so visceral, including not only mental panic but physical symptoms including a "nervous stomach," chest discomfort, or trouble breathing, it's often experienced as intolerable. As a result, our natural response isn't to problem-solve, but to avoid—we tend to be more focused on "flight" than "fight" and will often try to do whatever it takes to escape the source of our fear.

Wanting to Escape the Source of Our Fears

The paradox of anxiety is that what feels most instinctual and self-protective—escaping from the source of our fears or trying to ablate intolerable anxiety with a drink or a pill—often just reinforces it by teaching us that our fears are too powerful to face. It also primes us to monitor for its return when we are able to find temporary relief, but if we're constantly scanning <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/environment">the environment</a> for threats or our bodies for evidence of fear, we're certain to find it.

The Paradox Of Anxiety

Treating pathological anxiety often requires allowing ourselves to feel anxious. That doesn't mean "white-knuckling" it or subjecting ourselves to terror; it's more about engaging with and confronting our fears "one step at a time" in a safe and therapeutic setting with someone at your side. Through that process, we can do the work we need to do to shift from being immobilized by fear or from incessant worrying to problem-solving.

The Power of Exposure

The more we try to avoid our fears, the stronger they become.

The Anxiety Paradox

Have you ever tried to relax, only to find yourself overwhelmed with feeling stressed and having negative thoughts? Turns out a lot of us experience this—which is why some have coined it “stresslaxing.”Even though stresslaxation is a new term, it describes relaxation-induced anxiety, which has been studied for years. This is shown to happen to between 30% and 50% of people when they try to do relaxing things, causing symptoms of stress (such as rapid heartbeat or sweating).

Relaxation Causing Stress

Pretending that a problem doesn’t exist—also known as denial—is one of the least effective coping strategies for stress. In the case of stresslaxing, this might be denying you’re stressed to begin with.Short periods of denial can actually help us adapt to change. For example, denial can help a person cope with their emotions after experiencing the death of someone close. But when denial is used frequently to deal with daily stressors, it can leave people feeling perpetually stuck in a rut.

Reason For Stresslaxation: you’re Denying You’re Stressed

Acknowledge that the stress symptoms can be helpful. Your body is trying to alert you that a problem needs fixing, so it’s activating all its physiological resources to help you do this.Write down your deepest thoughts and feelings associated with your stress. This will help you understand the source of your stress so you can tackle it. Think outside the box. When we’re stressed, we might think only certain activities (such as meditation or exercise) can help us relax.

How To Fix Stresslaxation Denial

Most of us have something we’re passionate about—whether that’s our work or even a hobby. But the reason you’re motivated to do these things is important.Some people pursue their passion because they want to—whether it’s to improve themselves or learn a new skill. But others may only pursue their passion because they want recognition from other people. People with certain personality types may be more prone to obsessing over their passion. Others may simply follow a certain pursuit to get praise from their colleagues or even to prove their worth to friends or family.

Reason For Stresslaxation: Worrying About Others

When making a decision, some people can’t help but explore all possible options available to them—known as maximizing thoughts. This can even happen when trying to pick something relaxing to do. Even after picking something, you may instead think about the other options, wondering if something else would’ve helped you feel more relaxed. So instead of relaxing your mind, you’re stressing yourself even more.Unfortunately, maximizing leads to self-blame regret, no matter what option we choose. It’s also sometimes associated with lower well-being.

Reason For Stresslaxation: You Can’t Make up Your Mind

Limit the number of decisions you need to make on the day you want to do something relaxing. Or even plan when you’re going to do something relaxing (such as watching a movie or meditating) and how long you’re going to do it for. This may make it easier to relax when the time comes as you’ll know you aren’t putting other things off.Remember why you’re trying to relax. Your health is important, so remembering this may help you feel less stressed while trying to do a relaxing activity.

How To Make Up Your Mind

Relaxation-induced anxiety is shown to happen to between 30% and 50% of people when they try to do relaxing things. This is a practical guide to help deal with it.


career

Career

entertainment

Entertainment

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

‘Stresslaxation’ is real. Science explains why it happens and how to get past it

<ul><li>The first fictional depiction of an atomic war with atomic bombs destroying a city came from H.G. Wells in 1914</li><li>Similar sci-fi touchstones - the apocalypse, radioactive monsters, lone survivors in destroyed cities - originally had nothing to do with atomic weapons when they became embedded in popular culture</li><li>It wasn't until 1945 that fears of atomic warfare became firmly cemented in the American psyche</li><li>Fear of nuclear war increased when both the U.S. and Russia began developing hydrogen bombs in the 1950s</li><li>In the 60s and 70s, public opinion polls put nuclear war at the top of the list of great<warningtag>est problems, but by 1968 it had been replaced by environmental concerns and world hunger.</warningtag></li></ul>

A Brief History of Nuclear Fear

Focus on clear, indisputable truths - like the fact that nuclear war hasn't actually begun - or simply focus on your own breathing.It's important to monitor your own media consumption of crises like the conflict in Ukraine and avoid exposing yourself to graphic images or videos that may ramp up feelings of fear and anxiety.

How to Learn to Stop Worrying

Russia’s invasion of Ukraine is fueling fears about the possibility of a nuclear war. But experts say this is far from the first time these worries have bubbled to the surface.

Nuclear Anxiety is Nothing New. Here’s How to Handle It

Tactical Empathy, the art of intentionally using concepts from neuroscience to influence emotions as a core stratagem in navigating any type of friction.
Workplace negotiations entail trust and teamwork more than pinning an opponent to the ground. One has to use a collaborative approach to a conflict.

Win Workplace Negotiations

Tactical empathy requires demonstrating to your counterpart how deeply you’re listening to their words and, in effect, how thoughtfully you’re considering their position. One key tactic, called “mirroring,” entails echoing back one to three words the other person uttered, which can help build rapport from the outset.
Mirroring can also be a survival tactic for awkward networking events. Faced with a roomful of strangers, one can simply echo words and phrases to get them to open up. This simple practice can even turn idle chit-chat into meaningful conversations.

Mirroring Your Counterpart to Establish Rapport

Will this tactical empathy work when parties come from different cultures? What about with someone who uses silence as a power-maneuver?
Everybody on earth wants to know that they’re being understood and will open up when they feel they are listened to.

Negotiating Across Cultures

Mirroring and the other negotiation tactics require patience and practice. Before any big conversation, try out these techniques with friends or even your kids.
The upfront time invested in building long-term trust will always pay off. It’s a really subtle accelerator and the better the relationship gets the more a deal’s timeline gets accelerated.

Investing Time To Build Relationships

In a MasterClass course titled "Win Workplace Negotiations," former FBI negotiator Chris Voss shares strategies for assessing your counterpart.

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

marketingandsales

Marketing & Sales

communication

Communication

How to win workplace negotiations

There is a growing epidemic of anxiety among youth today. Children feel stressed about almost everything because they are overtested or helicopter-parented or spend all their time online. However, research proposes some strategies parents can use to recognise and relieve or prevent anxiety in their children.

Children are overanxious

Fears are a normal part of a child's life. Children are afraid of the dark, or spiders or nurses. They worry about making friends or being separated from their parents. However, some children have more trouble managing their fears. While researchers don't know why childhood anxiety might be more common than in the past, they suggest lifestyle changes could be one reason. For example, there are fewer filters to shield a child from the impact of negative events, such as social media and 24-hour news coverage.

Lifestyle changes could increase childhood anxiety

Anxiety influences how a person will interpret and react to his environment. Anxious people often assume the worst. Even a neutral situation may be seen as threatening. Anxiety in kids is often unknowingly promoted or reinforced through their parents. They watch and listen to how their parents interpret and interact with the world.

Anxiety colours how you see the world

Research suggests that young children can develop fears simply by watching their parents. If a mother of a 1- or 2-year old behaved anxiously around strangers, the child was more likely to show fear and avoid strangers. You may be able to help your child simply by adjusting your own behaviour. If you don't want your child to fear something like spiders, you might want to mask your own fear when you come in contact with one.

Priming behaviour

Masking a fear does not mean one should pretend you're not afraid of anything. Researchers state that pretending that you never get scared shows a child that it is 'weird' to be fearful of something. It may be more useful for parents to share how they cope with their own fears. For example, tell your child that you get scared of flying but that you've learned to take deep breaths and remind yourself that aeroplane crashes are very rare.

Show your child how you cope

To ease anxiety in kids, a parent can try not to be overbearing. For example, don't constantly spot your child on the climbing frame or to tell her to be careful every time she climbs out of the bathtub, even if she can do it reasonably safely. This negative intervening can have many harmful effects, such as hacking away at their self-confidence or making them feel helpless when they are not. Instead, try to show trust in their abilities.

Try not to be overbearing

Research suggests letting children feel in control of their environment is vital for building confidence and decreasing anxiety. Children need the chance to problem-solve on their own. If you always step in to help, you're effectively saying that your child can't do it. However, research also found that anxious children may elicit increased involvement and help from their parents, making them less confident. This means, if you have an anxious child, try your best not to intervene prematurely.

Parental over-involvement

If your child worries about everything, you can help—by first looking at yourself.

health

Health

parenting

Parenting

Is Your Child a Worrywart? Here’s How to Make Her Less Anxious.

Anxiety makes us uncomfortable. It is our brain's way of telling us that something bad is happening and that we should do something about it right now.But, the problem is that we do things to relieve our anxiety. It's exactly the reason why this "anxiety" that we have at the moment will come back in a different form. When we do something to soothe ourselves from the anxiety, our brain learns that we should keep doing it whenever an anxiety pops up.

What Anxiety Says

Short-term avoidance of anxiety leads to long-term maintenance of anxiety.
Handling anxious thoughts is tricky, however, the best response is to do nothing. It's easy to say but hard to do, yet if we continuously become dismissive towards the anxious thought consistently, our brain then becomes good at filtering out the anxiety noise.

The Art of Doing Nothing

What's the best thing to do in response to anxiety? Actually, nothing.

problemsolving

Problem Solving

Anxiety and the Art of Doing Nothing

The Curse of Knowledge, suffered by many authors, is the inability to think like the less-informed layperson who is going to read the content.
<ul>
<li>Professional writing is filled with all kinds of ‘ese’, legalese, academese etc. which makes it unrelatable and unclear, confusing or boring the reader.</li>
<li>Writers are not aware that they need to simplify, clarify and be in the shoes of their readers.</li>
</ul>

Professional Writing: The Curse of Knowledge

A big vocabulary basket is like the only ‘tangible skill’ the writer has, and it never occurs to them that they should use simple words instead.
The writer should focus on clarity instead of impressing others with professional-sounding words that cloud any real understanding.

Vocabulary Is The Misfired Weapon

Using examples or analogies is a powerful and necessary technique to make the common reader relate to abstract content. Analogies are also retained by the memory for a longer time than raw, professional content with big words.Messy writing is also due to chunking, a mental process in which the writer groups similar concepts together in the brain. While this is a great ability which proves how intelligent the writer is, the readers do not have the same chunks inside their brain.

Using Analogies And Chunking

Sometimes writers invent confusing and bewildering terminology to explain plain and simple concepts. This is because their years of familiarity with such concepts makes them part of a bubble, in which they believe everyone would understand their vocabulary.Example: Doctors often use jargon as they diagnose problems and converse with other doctors. This special vocabulary seems alien(and sometimes impressive) to the patient who does not have a clue.

Functional Fixity

<ol><li>Do not use abstractions, and go for real, concrete nouns and everyday words.</li><li>Assume that the reader knows less than you do and explain as you would to a newbie.</li><li>Get someone to read your work and take feedback.</li><li>Write down a draft and wait a while to come back and review it, reading it aloud. You will start to clarify your own writing.</li></ol>

The Solution To Incomprehensible Writing

Harvard's Steven Pinker on the curse of knowledge: "The curse of knowledge is the single best explanation I know of why good people write bad prose." 

writing

Reading & Writing

business

Business

Steven Pinker on the Curse of Knowledge and Writing Better

Here are a few ways to buy yourself more time to assess the situation.
<ul>
<li>"I need a minute to regroup. Can we talk about this in an hour?"</li>
<li>"Can we chat about this later today, after I've had some time to consider it?"</li>
<li>To a friend who wants you to go to a dinner that sounds boring: "I'm going to say no to dinner, but I'd love to catch up another time."</li>
<li>To the colleague who wants you to help with an extra project: "I can't, unfortunately. But once I finish up my current deadline, I can see if there's a way I can support you."</li>
</ul>

When someone asks you something you're unsure about

You don't owe anyone personal information, especially not to satisfy their curiosity.
<ul>
<li>To someone asking how much money you earn: " Trust me, not even close to what I'm worth."</li>
<li>To someone who asks about your love life: "I'd rather not talk about this. When I have news to share, I'll let you know."</li>
<li>To a colleague who wants to know what you plan on your day off: "That's why call it a personal day!"</li>
</ul>
Repeat your stock answer if the person persists.

What to say to deflect nosy questions

<ul>
<li>If you want to share something with a friend or colleague who likes to offer their opinion, say: "I want to share what's going on and would appreciate it if you can listen without offering advice or criticism."</li>
<li>Another way to stop auto-advice: "At the moment, I'm not looking for feedback. I would love it if you could just listen with compassion."</li>
<li>In relationships: "I love that you are always willing to help me. But right now, I appreciate it if you list and have faith that I'll come to a solution by myself."</li>
</ul>

When someone is giving you unsolicited advice

When a friend, family member or colleague makes a rude comment and then says," I'm just honest," you may feel inclined to accept their words. Don't. If you know them to be genuine, you will know when to be open to their feedback.
Comments about how you wore the wrong dress or how bad your hair looks, say something like:
<ul>
<li>"I don't recall asking you."</li>
<li>"What you call 'honesty,' I call 'giving me unsolicited criticism.' Please don't."</li>
</ul>

When someone is judgmental or critical of you

When someone has crossed a line, you should open up the conversation alerting the other person to your feelings, concerns, or objections.
Some conversation starters:
<ul>
<li>"I thought you should know..."</li>
<li>"I wanted to bring something to your attention. I felt uncomfortable when.."</li>
<li>"I want you to be aware of my feelings about what happened..."</li>
</ul>

When a line has been crossed

Setting boundaries is not a one-time act; it's a process. Here are some tools and scripts that will help you create a foundation to build on, from psychotherapist Terri Cole.

5 scripts to help you deflect nosy questions, stop advice-givers, fend off criticism and more

While sending a LinkedIn message (or InMail), take note of these three factors to increase the likelihood of the message being read and responded to.
<ol>
<li>Send short messages, in the range of 200-400 characters, as people are busy and it is better to be concise.</li>
<li>The response rate is slightly better at the start of the weekday, so avoid sending on weekends.</li>
<li>Make the message personalized, as people like to feel special. Add a name or some details unique to the individual, avoiding generic messages.</li>
</ol>

Effective LinkedIn Messages

Analysis reveals how recruiters’ InMails perform, but the takeaways apply to anyone sending a message—on or off LinkedIn. 
