This means  “imagining something bad happening when in reality nothing is wrong", according to Brene Brown.Dress rehearsing tragedy is so sneaky. It can show up as anxiety or dread, but before you know it turns into a full-blown way of thinking or a pattern.

Dress rehearsing tragedy

Something I have been experiencing a lot lately is this thing called dress 
rehearsing tragedy. Brene Brown defines it this way: “imagining something 
bad happening when in reality nothing is wrong.” 

Dress rehearsing tragedy is so sneaky. It can show up as anxiety or dread, 
but before you know it turns into a full blown way of thinking or a 
pattern. 

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

Dress Rehearsing Tragedy — The Well Collaborative

Opportunity cost is notoriously difficult to nail down.You don't see what you're missing until you've set up systems to tap it.Some great ways to monetize beyond your bread and butter role:<ul><li>Consulting</li><li> Workshops</li><li>Platform incentives</li><li>Digital products</li><li>Advertisements</li><li>Affiliate marketing</li></ul>

The Six Alternate Streams Of Income For Creators

<ul><li>Look for business ideas that don't require your presence to create the product.</li><li>Find the “embedded flywheels” in your audience to scale yourself, through collaborations, affiliate marketing agreements, referrals, and brand ambassador programs.</li></ul>

Create a Scalable Business Model

When creators run out of days in the week, they have two options: increase audience size or stop trading money for time.The solution is to expand by pivoting into scalable products and services such as Affiliate programs, Focusing on platforms with additional incentives, or Joining advertising programs that pay you for the traffic and clicks you generate.

Leverage Your Time

<ul><li>When you add scaling and monetization to your business, be honest about what you’re doing and why you are doing it.</li><li>Some platforms: sponsored posts, giveaways, ads, affiliate relationships, etc.</li></ul>

Remaining Authentic and Transparent as You Scale

<ul><li>You can still have a personal presence as long as you leverage specific events in the digital world.</li><li>Live events, Workshops, Online courses that feature you talking, as though one-on-one.</li><li>You don’t have to sacrifice your friendly persona.</li></ul>

Shift Your Resources Toward Digital Product Sales

Seek out communities and create new content for them.Twitter's Ticketed Spaces are another potential source of revenue for creators with high-leverage social media accounts who aren't sure how to monetize the small communities they've built (e.g., Facebook’s managed groups).

Leverage Communities

<ul><li>Have a large audience with obvious merchandise tie-ins.</li><li>Quality control over your products</li><li>On-message, brand-specific targeting</li><li>Building a company with an exclusive customer base already in mind</li><li>You don't have to launch your own brand at first.</li></ul>

Leverage ownership: creating your own line of merchandise

<ul><li>Leverage the existing structures of brands by negotiating exclusive tie-ins.</li><li>Find the best partners for your audience</li><li>Find the win-win scenarios for your own target market and reach out to the brands offering a complementary fit.</li></ul>

Partnership: leveraging an existing brand's infrastructure

<ul><li>Some companies will be more than happy to trade equity for a creator who believes in their brand.</li><li>By vesting an influencer into a new product line, they capture the influencer's interest in making the product line a success.</li><li>Taking on equity deals also helps creators leverage their time, scaling their business.</li></ul>

Seek Power Beyond Pay-By-The-Post

<ul><li>You don’t have to ask for ownership to take long-term ownership of your client's success</li><li>Equity deals and partnerships are win-win situations</li><li>They reward creators while giving companies long-term engagement with a new audience</li></ul>

Align with The Brands You Help

Go real-world: expand into real estate.You don’t have to stick to digital real estate. Use your popularity with an audience to lend some buzz to an entirely new venture.

The Real World

Smaller influencers-more "niche" celebrities than the silver screen stars of the past-are gaining new traction by niching down and finding more targeted sponsors.The problem is, everyone else knows it's a huge market too. The strategy is to "niche" down and find sponsors in your unique space.

Find Your Sponsorship Niche

<ul><li>Every niche has a natural sponsor.</li><li>You have a vital message you need to send to the world as a content creator.</li><li>What you can do is scale your influence with software and apps.</li><li>Scale your offerings so you can reach more people.</li><li>Give yourself more security in case your usual wells run dry.</li></ul>

Niches Matter: Expand Into Software and Applications

Creators are making money in ways far beyond the realm of mere content creation these days. In this post, we’ll look at alternative revenue streams creators are exploring to expand their earnings and build more sustainable careers long-term.

marketingandsales

Marketing & Sales

writing

Reading & Writing

startup

Startups

Six ways creators are monetizing beyond content creation - ConvertKit

Persistent practice is the way to build competence at something new. Yet, when it comes to building interpersonal skills, especially those that are challenging and risky, we act as if this isn’t true.Exposure therapy, for instance, is a well-documented approach to overcoming fears, and building skills. Want to overcome your terror of public speaking and become a persuasive presenter? An exposure therapy routine could involve learning relaxation skills and communication techniques, and then starting very small—perhaps a short talk in a low-stakes setting with acquaintances or work colleagues.

Commit to persistent practice

career

Career

A personal courage ladder is how to level up your career

<ul>
<li>Playing the long game puts our focus on the quality of the work, instead of being a sell-out for instant, short-term gains. </li>
<li>It requires a kind of dedication and an eye towards the future while adjusting your expectations and appreciating the present moment as well.</li>
</ul>
Instead of chasing short-term goals, we need to have patience and enjoy the journey.

Long-Term Thinking

We need to realize that hard work, improving our skill sets and creating ways to provide better services is under our control, but status, money inflow or the approval of others is not.
We need to work on stuff that we can control, and the things we desire will eventually be attained by us.

Money, Status And Approval

Most people think about short-term goals. Things they can achieve this year. But what about things you can achieve long-term?

business

Business

How to Prioritize Long-Term Thinking - Darius Foroux

The act of seeking approval is profound among adolescents who often feel pressured to get other people's approval to be seen as "popular", the idea is prominent in many teen films, but this behavior is a propensity that does not entirely disappear as we age.
Often adults brood over the acceptance or respect of another adult, seemingly less rational than a teenager's. But, the adult world is considerably more complex due to social circles and status dependence.

The Act of Approval Seeking

Perhaps, the root of disposition can be traced back to an evolutionary mechanism that makes us perceive attainable and already attained goods as something that isn't worth wanting.
It could also be dependent on the difficulty of the achievement as a proxy for its magnitude, and when we get something easily, we don't value it as much as we would otherwise.

Why We Seek Approval Of Those That Don't Value Us

The behavior of not sufficiently appreciating the company of those who care for us is call the Groucho Marx Tendency; named after the comedian who quipped that he would not like to be a member of a club that would want him to be a part of.
In general, this behavior benefits us because otherwise, we wouldn't have the drive to pursue anything at all.

The Groucho Marx Tendency

The Groucho Marx tendency can cause detrimental effects on one's happiness due to several reasons:
<ol>
<li>The toil required to acquire something is not a good indicator of worth.</li>
<li>The people who have this tendency may easily fall for the traps of self-interested actors - like how markets raise the prices of their goods so that we'd consider them more valuable than it actually is.</li>
<li>It doesn't help us perceive the importance of what's actually good for us, physically and emotionally.</li>
</ol>

The Groucho Marx Tendency on Individual Happiness

<ul>
<li>Learn how to fully appreciate the friends who treasure you</li>
<li>Try to get to know other people better, not just in a superficial and shallow way, but actually get yourself to relate to them at a deeper level.</li>
</ul>

Instead of Seeking Approval

Overpriced friends and the "Groucho Marx tendency."

communication

Communication

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Why Do We Seek the Approval of Those Who Don't Value Us?

Setting boundaries with your parents prevent you from building resentment towards them. It fosters good and enjoyable interactions and helps you build an identity that is separate from your parents.
Without proper boundaries, parents may continue to impose their believes and customs onto their adult children.

Setting boundaries with parents

Healthy boundaries with parents mean that they acknowledge you are an adult and have your own opinions and beliefs, and can make your own decisions.
Examples of poor boundaries from a parent:
<ul>
<li>You receive unexpected and frequent visits from them.</li>
<li>They give unsolicited advice about your partner and how you're raising your children.</li>
<li>They buy things for your home without your input.</li>
<li>They frequently comment about your diet and lifestyle.</li>
<li>They interfere in your personal life.</li>
</ul>

Poor boundaries from a parent

Ask yourself what is bothering you and why. Be straightforward and state what it is you need from your parents without apologising. Your request should be coherent and measurable.
Instead of saying, "Please don't drop by all the time, it's getting annoying," try, "It's difficult for me when you drop by unexpectedly. Moving forward, can you call first?"

Setting boundaries: Be clear and concise

Being assertive means saying how you feel and what you need but not hurting your parents. This includes maintaining eye contact, a sense of calm, being open to having a conversation, actively listening, monitoring your tone, an upright posture, and being direct.
However, also be compassionate, meaning you understand where your parents may be coming from and the difficulties they may be experiencing in letting go of the role they had for so long in your life.

Be assertive and compassionate

When setting a boundary with your parent, first show appreciation toward what you are grateful for in the relationship.
For example, suppose your parents continue to interfere in your relationship. In that case, you can state that you appreciate their concern for you and that they want what's best for you, but you would like for them to stop trying to get involved because you need to make your own decisions.

Demonstrate appreciation

Do not engage in arguments or circular argumentation. You repeatedly state your needs clearly and concisely. This shows that you are sticking to your boundaries.
For example, "I am not engaging any further on how I raise my children" and saying it as many times as you need to.

Try the "broken record" technique

Consider where you will draw the line. For example, can you only manage to talk on the phone with your parents once a month? Every day?
If a conversation is not fruitful, know when you need to break or walk away to prevent you from getting angry and intensifying the discussion.

Know your limits

Setting boundaries with parents can create feelings of doubt, fear and guilt. Guilt can indicate that we feel like we are doing something wrong.
Know that setting boundaries with your parents are not wrong. It is an integral part of building your sense of self and preserving the relationship.

Release any guilt about having boundaries

Parents keep coming over or giving you unsolicited advice? Here's how to set healthy boundaries with parents and what that looks like.

How To Set Healthy Boundaries With Parents (And What That Looks Like)

We all know a few people that cause grief, not merely because they have a bad day but because they have severe problems and are unwilling to change.
We can learn enough to recognize if someone is a "high-conflict person" and avoid them as much as possible.

People That Cause Grief

<ol>
<li>Narcissistic HCPs: They may seem charming at first but think themselves to be superior. They insult, humiliate, mislead, and lack empathy while demanding respect and attention.</li>
<li>Borderline HCPs: They start out friendly but can suddenly change into being extremely angry. During this rage, they may seek revenge for minor insults.</li>
<li>Antisocial (or Sociopathic/Psychopathic) HCPs There extreme charm is a cover for their drive to dominate others through lying, stealing, publicly humiliating people, physically injuring them, and sometimes murdering them.</li>
</ol>While these are disorders and these people are suffering, mental health professionals would advise you to keep your distance from them, if at all possible.

High-conflict people (HCP)

Everybody has bad days or weeks. To tell if someone is a High Conflict Person, we can look for four traits of behavior.
<ol>
<li>Lots of all-or-nothing thinking: When problems arise, it is their solution or no solution. They don't compromise or listen to different points of view.</li><li>Intense or unmanaged emotions: HCPs become very emotional about their points of view. Their responses are out of proportion to whatever is happening.</li><li>Extreme behavior or threats: They engage in extreme negative behavior that includes physical harm, spreading lies about someone else, emotional manipulation, or obsessive contact.</li><li>A preoccupation with blaming others: They frequently blame other people close to them or people in authority over them.</li>
</ol>
Nobody is perfect, but if someone has all four traits, they almost certainly are an HCP.

Behavior Patterns Of HCP

Each type of toxic people gives clues if you pay attention:
<ul>
<li>Narcissistic HCPs: Words that indicate arrogance, entitlement, and a lack of empathy.</li>
<li>Borderline HCPs: They have victim narratives. You’ll empathize with them because their life keeps having extreme problems (but they’ll fail to mention they’re the cause).</li>
<li>Antisocial HCPs: They will lie more than they tell the truth.</li>
</ul>
All three will eventually display the blaming of others, all-or-nothing thinking, victim stories, and a desire to punish.

Identifying Toxic People: Words To Look For

<ul>
<li>Extreme emotions are signs of possible trouble: extreme charm, extreme love, extreme anger.</li>
<li>Someone that carefully controls their emotions until they lose it, then they become unrecognizable in their lack of control.</li>
<li>Other emotions to watch out for may be yours. Many people are emotionally manipulated without knowing it and end up in toxic relationships.</li>
</ul>
When you feel extreme emotions with someone you barely know, pay attention.

Identifying Toxic People: Emotions To Look For

<ul>
<li>With Narcissistic HCPs: You may feel stupid or inadequate. You may feel in awe and flattered that the person is spending time with you. </li>
<li>With Borderline HCPs: You will want to yell at then to get them to stop behaving in some inappropriate way. </li>
<li>With Antisocial HCPs: You sometimes feel a sense of danger just being around this person.</li>
</ul>

How You'lll Most Likely Feel Around Toxic People

If you are in a situation where you cannot avoid a high conflict person, use the 4-step CARS method.
<ul>
<li>Connect with empathy, attention, and respect. With narcissists and antisocials, emphasize respect. With borderlines, focus on empathy.</li>
<li>Analyze alternatives or options. Always deal with the problem at hand by presenting them with choices. It gives them the illusion of control, which will reduce conflict.</li>
<li>Respond to misinformation or hostility by being brief, informative (only information, not defensiveness), friendly and firm.</li>
<li>Set limits on high-conflict behavior. You can't just say 'no' without backing it up with boundaries. Your limits should come from an external source outside your control. "I'd love to do that, but my boss/spouse just won't let me."</li>
</ul>

Method For Handling HCPs

<ul>
<li>Narcissistic HCPs fear disrespect. They act in such a way that people inevitably lose respect for them.</li>
<li>Borderline HCPs fear abandonment. They are a nonstop emotional that makes everyone run away from them.</li>
<li>Antisocial HCPs fear control, so they break every rule and often end up in prison.</li>
</ul>

Toxic People: Never Trigger Their Deepest Fears

Before we commence with the festivities, I wanted to thank everyone for helping my first book become a Wall Street Journal bestseller. To check it out, click here. *** We all know a few people that treat causing grief like it's a career.

mentalhealth

Mental Health

How To Avoid Toxic People

<ul>
<li>A symbolic gesture of love, clipping a padlock on the bridge is considered a beautiful ritual in Paris, the city of love. Relationships die out in a few months, but the locks stay on forever.</li>
<li>These padlocks, counting to millions, are on the verge of collapsing the historic bridges, leading to authorities removing them to save the structures and imposing strict penalties.</li>
<li>Apart from Paris, these padlocks are found across the world, wherever beautiful bridges are situated. New South Wales, Las Vegas, Vancouver, all have these love locks, some with no key, to seal the love forever once it is clipped on.</li>
</ul>

Padlocks On The Bridge

Historically, the practice seems to come from an ancient Chinese tradition, though there is a story of a doomed love affair in Serbia between a teacher and army officer, who used to meet at a bridge.
The army officer was sent away to Greece and fell in love with someone else, breaking the heart of the school teacher.

The History Behind The Love Lock

We tend to give physical shapes to fragile emotions, as if to elongate their effect. Love is vulnerable and couples may feel a natural urge to solidify it, just like the age-old lover activity of carving one’s initials on a tree.
Locking the padlock and throwing away the key symbolizes fidelity and commitment, with love coming to the rescue in the middle of life’s uncertainty.

A Natural Human Impulse

The romantic gesture of leaving padlocks on bridges has swept the world, putting the famous structures at risk, writes Elizabeth Day

problemsolving

Problem Solving

artsandculture

Society, Arts & Culture

The lock of love: padlocks on bridges

<div>It's the person that feels that most of the time there is no other option but to adjust to the expectations of others, and yet harbors a lot of hidden resentment.</div>This is a dangerous path: they end up confusing everyone around them by failing to express their true needs and feelings and they also build up a lot of frustration.

The People Pleaser

<div>People-pleasing is essentially a form of lying.</div>And we do it not to obtain some sort of advantage over someone, but because we deeply fear the annoyance and dissatisfaction of the people around us.

A Type Of Lie

<div>It is related to being around people (usually our parents) who seem to have a really hard time and even be unable to accept and forgive some odd but sometimes necessary facts about their child.</div>To survive, we decide to be responsive to what others expect us to do and be, leaving aside what we really want.

Origins Of People Pleasing

<div>We don't always lie out of fear. We may see people-pleasing as a form of love, for someone whom we perceive to be vulnerable (to keep them in a good mood or to avoid adding another burden to their life). </div>

Love And Fear

<div class="insight_content"><ul><li>Keep in mind that the people that now in adulthood surround you (colleagues, friends, partners) are most likely very different from the ones that influenced your anxieties during childhood.</li><li>Be aware of the side effects of people-pleasing: even if you have good intentions, you are in fact creating problems by not speaking up more frequently.</li><li>You can learn to reframe the way you deliver your messages,  especially when it comes to difficult, sensitive topics.</li></ul></div>

Stop Being a People Pleaser

The first 500 people to click this link will get a 2 month free trial of Skillshare: https://skl.sh/tsol3 People-pleasing behavior, while ostensibly pleasant, causes enormous difficulties for us, especially in relationships and in love. We need to grow better able to disappoint others, and to stop fearing calamity when we do so. For gifts and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop: https://bit.ly/2GWIpTN Join our mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: https://bit.ly/2v7etmz 2JGOpBZ FURTHER READING “Being someone who pleases people sounds, on the face of it, like a very good idea. But it is a pattern of behaviour riddled with problems, as much for the perpetrator as for their audience; the people-pleaser is someone (who might at times be oneself) who feels they have no option but to mould themselves to the expectations of others, and yet, harbours all manner of secret and at points dangerous reservations and resentments. They act like the perfect lover when their real feelings are far darker; they give their assent to plans they hate; and they confuse everyone around them by failing to express, in due time, with the requisite courage, their authentic needs and ambitions...” You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://bit.ly/2JDQ0sh MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE Visit us in person at our London HQ: https://bit.ly/2GRZJNU Watch more films on SELF in our playlist: http://bit.ly/TSOLself You can submit translations and transcripts on all of our videos here: https://www.youtube.com/timedtext_cs_panel?c=UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog&tab=2 Find out how more here: https://support.google.com/youtube/answer/6054623?hl=en-GB SOCIAL MEDIA Feel free to follow us at the links below: 2JGOpBZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ CREDITS Produced in collaboration with: Marcie LaCerte http://marslizard.net/ #TheSchoolOfLife

The first 500 people to click this link will get a 2 month free trial of Skillshare: https://skl.sh/tsol3
People-pleasing behavior, while ostensibly pleasant, causes enormous difficulties for us, especially in relationships and in love. We need to grow  better able to disappoint others, and to stop fearing calamity when we do so.
For gifts and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop: https://bit.ly/2GWIpTN
Join our mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ 
Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: https://bit.ly/2v7etmz
2JGOpBZ

FURTHER READING

“Being someone who pleases people sounds, on the face of it, like a very good idea. But it is a pattern of behaviour riddled with problems, as much for the perpetrator as for their audience; the people-pleaser is someone (who might at times be oneself) who feels they have no option but to mould themselves to the expectations of others, and yet, harbours all manner of secret and at points dangerous reservations and resentments. They act like the perfect lover when their real feelings are far darker; they give their assent to plans they hate; and they confuse everyone around them by failing to express, in due time, with the requisite courage, their authentic needs and ambitions...”

You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://bit.ly/2JDQ0sh

MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE

Visit us in person at our London HQ: https://bit.ly/2GRZJNU

Watch more films on SELF in our playlist: 
http://bit.ly/TSOLself

You can submit translations and transcripts on all of our videos here: https://www.youtube.com/timedtext_cs_panel?c=UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog&tab=2 
Find out how more here: https://support.google.com/youtube/answer/6054623?hl=en-GB 


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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:
Marcie LaCerte
http://marslizard.net/ #TheSchoolOfLife

We're interested in self-understanding, calm and emotional maturity.

We have thousands of articles about emotional life for you on our website: www.theschooloflife.com

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The School of Life

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Your disappointments in your partner often reflect your disappointments in yourself. Your acceptance of your partner often reflects your acceptance of yourself.  Thus, the first step to having a healthy relationship with someone else is to have a healthy relationship with yourself.

Practice self-care as individuals

Don’t let outsiders run your relationship for you. If you’re having an issue with your partner, work it out with THEM and no one else.

Stand together

Don’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s – not your parent’s, friend’s, coworker’s, or that random couple whose relationship seems perfect.  Keep in mind that all relationships have their ups and downs.Focus on what you two share, and make your unique bond the best it can be.

The relationship is unique

The foundation of love is to let those we care about be unapologetically themselves and not distort them to fit our own egotistical ideas of who they should be. Otherwise, we fall in love only with our own fantasies, and thus miss out entirely on their true beauty.  Give your partner your support and grow together.

Accept each other

If you neglect your relationship, your relationship will neglect you too. In relationships, distance is not measured in miles, but in affection. Two people can be right next to each other and yet miles apart. So don’t ignore the one you love, because lack of concern often hurts more than angry words.

Make time for each other

Your partner is not a mind reader. Share your thoughts. Give them the information they need rather than expecting them to know the unknowable.  The more that remains unspoken, the greater the risk for problems.  Most problems, big and small, within a relationship, start with bad communication.

Communicate

Don’t listen so you can reply, listen to understand. Open your ears and mind to your partner’s concerns and opinions without judgment. Look at things from your partner’s perspective as well as your own.

Listen intently before replying

In a healthy relationship, you get what you put in. You get nothing less and nothing more. There is no room for selfishness. If you want love, give love. If you want to see a smile, give a smile.  Don’t be concerned with who’s right; be concerned with loving and being loved, caring and being cared for.

Practice the golden rule

Having an appreciation for how amazing your partner is leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places.  Be happy for them when they’re making progress.  Cheer for their victories.  Celebrate their accomplishments, and encourage their goals and ambitions.  Challenge them to be the best they can be.

They cheer for each other

Having regular discussions with each other about goals, dreams, passions and the future, in a way that’s positive and inspiring, will not only bring you closer, but it will also bring your collective desires closer to reality.

Discuss your goals and dreams

Since people’s needs change over time, and life itself demands change too, the inner workings of good relationships are negotiated and re-negotiated all the time. And oftentimes a two-way compromise is the best solution.

Negotiate and compromise

Blaming accomplishes nothing.  Take responsibility for your actions.  Take responsibility for your relationship – the good times and the bad.  Either you both take equal ownership of the problems you two encounter or the problems will own both of you.

Don't blame

When you feel anger surging up and you want to yell that vulgar remark on the tip of your tongue, just close your mouth and walk away. Don’t let your anger get the best of you. Give yourself some time to calm down and then gently discuss the situation.

Taming your anger

Making up after an argument is central to every happy relationship.  A simple, honest “I’m sorry” is usually the most important step.

Apologize  immediately

Even the happiest couples on earth are still just two humans.  And all humans are imperfect.  Stand beside the one you love through their trying times of imperfection. If you aren’t willing to, you really don’t deserve to be around for their perfect moments either.

Respect each other’s humanness

Written by Angel Chernoff // Nothing in this world is more difficult than love. And nothing is more worth it. A happy couple is not a 'perfect couple' that comes together, but an imperfect couple that learns to enjoy each other's differences, and works together every day to create something special.