As a manager, you’ve likely had things crop up at the last minute and disrupt your schedule: customer emergencies, unscheduled calls with your own manager, last-minute trips. But when your own boss cancels on you frequently, it’s not only frustrating, but it can feel like a slight or make you worry about your standing. If you find yourself on the receiving end of too many cancellations, it’s essential to talk to your boss about it directly.

Disruption In Your Schedule

A cancellation may feel like a <a href="https://hbr.org/2019/05/the-little-things-that-affect-our-work-relationships">slight</a> against you, but chances are, if your manager misses your meetings, they’re probably cancelling other meetings at the last minute, too. Take note of your boss’s schedule and be attuned to what other people say. Where appropriate, you can discreetly ask a trusted colleague if they’ve experienced the same thing. Having a clear sense of the behavioural pattern will enable you to step back from your anger and see the bigger pattern of your boss’s habits, not just their behaviour toward you.

Don’t Take It Personally

The last thing you want to do is come off as passive-aggressive by throwing a barb at your boss or making them feel defensive. Having a neutral, non-accusatory tone will ensure you get off on the right foot. Think about all the reasons you can relate to that might cause your manager to be a no-show. They might be <a href="https://hbr.org/2002/02/beware-the-busy-manager">harried or overscheduled</a>. Sometimes people genuinely don’t know they’re chronically cancelling meetings, especially if they have an assistant managing their schedule.

Get Your Tone Right

If you have a close relationship with your boss where you can be direct, you can say something like, “There are times that I need your guidance or I’m waiting for your input. When you cancel at the last minute, it puts me behind since I’m often counting on this time together. It also makes it hard for me to plan the rest of my day, since I spend some of it preparing for our meeting."Another option is to have a <a href="https://hbr.org/2022/04/where-we-go-wrong-with-collaboration">collaborative conversation</a> about the meeting itself, which can identify the reason behind the cancellations and potentially head off future ones.

Start The Talk

If the behaviour persists — or if you come to learn that you’re the only person they’re cancelling on — it’s important to go back to your boss for a second conversation and be frank. You could say, “I have a delicate matter to raise with you, and I think it’s important for both of us. I’m finding that you’re still canceling our meetings regularly and I seem to be the only one who’s experiencing this. If there are any issues I should know about my performance, I’d like you to tell me.”

The Last Resort

career

Career

corporateculture

Corporate Culture

communication

Communication

So Your Boss Is Always Canceling Meetings Last Minute

The mass exodus of nearly 48 million workers in 2021, known as the Great Resignation, is turning into regret as people realise that the pastures are not greener on the other side. However, people aren’t willing to grovel before their ex-employers or continue to be unsatisfied. Most people are tired of transactional businesses. They want their work to be meaningful. That’s why it would be wise to cultivate a level of trust that connects your team members deeply and create stronger relationships.

People desire meaningful work

We all carry emotional baggage but tend to be less compassionate when we are unaware of what others are carrying. Cultivating intimacy at work means understanding and honouring each other’s tender spots. It requires vulnerability and openness. Try a simple exercise with your team where everyone shares one emotional thing. You set the tone, so go first and share some challenging moments in your life. You may be surprised to see how many people want to open up.

Unpack issues as a group

If a stranger approached you and asked why you work for your company, what would you say? Most employees would say that they had some early success or that it was their first job. However, these answers are either tied to what is unique about the person nor does it connect to the company’s mission. Lead by example: Figure out your “why” and share it with your team. People want to work with others who feel they truly belong.

Find your why

There is value in sharing your story that explains why you do what you do. Think back to the time you first felt unsafe, then consider what you did to feel safe again. That’s your superpower that you probably used to find your way to success.  Giving people the freedom and safety to share their stories will create a positive domino effect. You’ll see your employees be more creative, innovative and confident. They’ll be more willing to take risks at work. This will cause them to realize their personal and professional growth.

Unearth a shared story

teamwork

Teamwork

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

Cultivating a sense of intimacy and connection at work

Perhaps you've been eagerly anticipating your annual review or a compensation discussion but are discouraged when your boss says: "I'm sorry, but we're not able to adjust your salary at this point. So check back in six months, and keep up the good work." Despite the setback, some strategies can help you maintain momentum.

Asking for a raise

It's human nature to feel hurt and upset after being denied a raise. In the moment, try to respond diplomatically by taking a few deep breaths and identifying your emotions. You may say: "Thank you for sharing that. Not surprisingly, I'm disappointed that the company can't honour my request. However, I'm committed to bringing my best to the organization and hope to continue the conversation about how I can be more valuable."

Respond diplomatically

Unearth possible barriers and pressures that led to your supervisor’s denial. For example, you may be at the top of the salary band, or the organisation is experiencing hard times. In a non-defensive ton, get more details with open-ended questions:<ul><li>What’s contributing to your decision?</li><li>How are compensation and performance evaluated?</li><li>What could I be doing more of?</li></ul> More information can help guide your decision to stay and advocate for yourself or create an exit plan.

Dig deeper

Consider negotiating for:<ul><li>Flex time or a work-from-home arrangement</li><li>Stock options</li><li>A title change</li><li>More vacation time</li><li>Professional development funds</li><li>Funds to upgrade your home office</li></ul>

Propose alternatives

If you’ve been denied a raise, use the opportunity to your advantage. For example, schedule a follow-up meeting and explain that you want to position yourself for a pay increase. Then engage your boss about what you can do to get there.

Continue the conversation

Highlighting your achievements is vital to building a case for a pay raise. Find ways to publicize your successes and impact, such as offering to present a case study in a meeting with important executives or speaking at a conference or on a podcast.

Master the art of authentic self-promotion

Your boss may be one of several stakeholders contributing to decisions about your career path and whether you get a raise. Consider requesting a meeting with your manager’s manager to make them aware of your work and contributions. Build relationships with other key stakeholders to have more allies championing your advancement.

Seek out additional advocates

While being rejected for a raise can be a blow to your self-esteem, it’s an opportunity for development, and not a step backwards. The author offers advice on how to maintain momentum after being denied a raise: 1) respond diplomatically, 2) unearth possible barriers and pressures, 3) propose alternatives, 4) master the art of authentic self-promotion, and 5) seek out additional advocates.

So Your Boss Refused to Give You a Raise

While it’s important to share your point of view in meetings, it’s critical to know when and how. You don’t want to monopolize the conversation. We provide some practical tips for sharing the floor so that you can get your message across more effectively. <ul><li>First, take time to reflect after meetings. If you feel like you have been sharing too much, look back and consider who else contributed. </li><li>Ask yourself honestly: “Did I talk over people?”</li><li> Estimate how much of the meeting you were speaking.</li><li> Also consider using other communication channels to share your ideas. </li></ul>

Rambling During Meetings: Key Points

If you suspect you may be monopolizing the conversation in meetings, experiment with these tactics to help get your message across.First, you need to measure exactly how much you’re talking.While you don’t want to limit your speaking time forever, adhering to the time rule in the beginning will help you build the habit of yielding the floor.

Only One Person Talking: You

<a href="https://hbr.org/2020/12/youre-between-assignments-at-work-what-do-you-do">If you excel at creativity</a>, you may come alive in a brainstorming session and quickly generate a wealth of ideas. However, if you tend to ramble when describing those ideas, you could come across as scattered and ill prepared. Consider other ways to organize your ideas and communicate them to audiences.Use whatever forms of communication are at your disposal to help organize your thoughts. You’ll then communicate well-thought-out concepts when you do share.

Consider Using Other Ways to Share Your Ideas

When speaking, make sure that what you’re saying is necessary and impactful. You can even think of your sentences in tweet form: How would I communicate this idea if I were tweeting and facing a character limit? How can I cut my message down to its essence?﻿Think of yourself as an editor eliminating words and ideas that don’t communicate the essence of what you want to share.

Use The Tweet Limit: Practice Compressing Your Thoughts

Are you giving your colleagues enough time to digest what you say and to ask questions? If not, give yourself a signal to pause.By slowing down and taking deliberate pauses, you’ll be able to regulate your impulse to overshare, and your message will have a better chance of landing.

Pause!

It may be hard to know in the moment if you’re oversharing. A fresh perspective can offer insight. Ask a trusted colleague or advisor to provide insights into how you’re meeting your goal of talking less and listening more.While it’s important to share your point of view, it’s critical to know when and how. Experiment with some or all of these tactics to make sure your input is being heard.

Ask for Help

A how-to guide those that lead or participate in meetings

books

Books

productivity

Productivity

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

How to Run an Effective Meeting

While it’s important to share your point of view in meetings, it’s critical to know when and how. You don’t want to monopolize the conversation. In this piece, the author offers practical tips for sharing the floor so that you can get your message across more effectively. First, take time to reflect after meetings. If you feel like you have been sharing too much, look back and consider who else contributed. Ask yourself honestly: “Did I talk over people?” Estimate how much of the meeting you were speaking. Also consider using other communication channels to share your ideas. For example, can you keep a running list of your brilliant insights on your computer so you’re better prepared to share them in the next meeting? Or, can you share ideas in a non-meeting setting — for example, in a follow-up email or an internal chat platform? It’s also helpful to give yourself a signal to pause and to practice compressing your thoughts. A trusted colleague or advisor can also provide insights into how you’re meeting your goal of talking less and listening more.

Stop Rambling in Meetings — and Start Getting Your Message Across

One of the most integral parts of a manager’s job is providing performance feedback and holding people accountable. So much so that it can’t be abdicated or delegated to someone else. And yet, managers often avoid these types of conversations. Just the prospect of giving feedback on another person’s performance <a href="https://www.strategy-business.com/article/Using-Neuroscience-to-Make-Feedback-Work-and-Feel-Better">triggers an immediate increase in heart rate</a>—a sign the body is going into “fight-or-flight” mode.The resulting anxiety can be especially stressful when the intended recipient of feedback is more knowledgeable and experienced than the person giving it.

The Anxiety In Giving Feedback

To avoid the emotional buildup to delivering feedback in situations where you’re leading a team of experts, it helps to address the elephant in the room from the moment you join the team. Rather than letting your insecurities lead you to pretend to have more knowledge than you do, acknowledge your senior team members’ experience and expertise upfront and ask for their help in bringing you up to speed.

Set Expectations from The Start

Create clarity around your expectations and check on your individual team members’ capabilities to meet them, before agreeing on milestones and what success on a given project or initiative looks like. Let them know that you’ll be providing regular feedback along the way so people know where they stand in terms of their performance, and that you’ll be asking for theirs as well, to learn how you can be more helpful in supporting them.

Clarity Of Expectations

We can reduce the intensity of negative emotions by using science-backed emotion regulation strategies to intervene in the four-step process that generally gives rise to emotions such as fear, anger, and sadness.  The process starts with a situation—real or imagined. One strategy to keep your anxiety in check at this stage of the emotion generation process would be situation avoidance.

Short-Circuit Your Emotions: 1. Situation Avoidance

The second step is the attention paid to a particular, often threatening aspect of a situation. The intervention strategy in this step of the emotion generation process would involve intentionally changing your focus, and instead of ruminating about something negative that might happen, focusing instead on positive aspects, such as a feedback recipient’s leadership potential or the value they contribute to the team and the organization.

2. Changing Your Focus

The third step is what called appraisal. So when we would think of providing negative feedback (the situation), and focused (attention) on what we expected would be strongly negative reactions by our team, the meaning (appraisal) we assigned to providing feedback was that our team would resent our “incompetence” and hate working for us.

3. Appraisal

Our appraisal of a situation then leads to the fourth step in the emotion-generation process, the emotional response.After gaining insight into the neurological process by which our anxieties were generated, We learned We could take control and change the meaning We assigned to the act of providing feedback, rather than defaulting to the automatic assumption our brain made that our team would resent us.

4. The Emotional Response

Just the prospect of giving feedback on another person’s performance can set your heart racing, especially when the intended recipient is more knowledgeable and experienced than the person giving it.  


Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

How to manage the anxiety of giving negative feedback

<ul><li>Workplace Incivility assaults people’s physical and psychological health.</li><li>Workplace rudeness generates lack of productivity, disengagement, absenteeism and turnover.</li><li>In contrast, “civility” makes people feel valued and appreciated.</li><li>To increase workplace civility, share “resources, recognition, gratitude, feedback” and “purpose.”</li><li>Focus on the basics, such as smiling and saying thank you.</li><li>Solicit feedback to identify your failings and target areas for improvement.</li><li>Develop a “sense of thriving” within yourself as a defense against workplace incivility.</li></ul>

Key Takeaways From The Book

How you treat people means everything – whether they will trust you, build relationships with you, follow you, support you and work hard for you, or not.Rudeness is on the rise. In the “Civility in America 2016” survey, 95% of respondents said “incivility” is a major problem in the United States. Workplace incivility takes many forms: making calls or texting during meetings, yelling at employees, belittling or heckling subordinates, taking credit for someone else’s work or ideas, and undermining other people’s efforts. Often, people are uncivil when they’re tired or stressed.

Civility Vs Incivility: Rudeness On The Rise

To make the greatest impact in your business and to get the most out of your career, choose the path of respectfulness over rudeness.Globalization brings people from different cultures into contact with one another. What is seen as acceptable in one culture may be perceived as rude in another. Remote work and other arrangements put pressure on office relationships. Increased workloads cause stress and make people feel overwhelmed, causing them to lash out. Some employees mimic their leaders’ and co-workers’ behavior.

Rudeness Vs Respectfulness

The typical reaction to incivility is stress, which can trigger health problems and can result in more instances of abrupt or rude behavior. Rudeness also extracts a psychological toll. When someone treats people meanly at work, they lose concentration and their performance suffers. They become less creative, have more difficulty making decisions, and have trouble processing or recalling information.

Incivility Carries Heavy Costs, But Civility Pays Big Dividends

People misread texts and emails, because the written notes lack the nuance of face-to-face and phone interactions.Often, people are uncivil when they’re tired or stressed. Generally, they’re not aware of how their actions affect others. Yet, unintentional rudeness is also destructive. When someone feels hurt, it doesn’t matter if the precipitating behavior wasn’t deliberate.

Unintentional Rudeness

People don’t easily recover from the negative effect of rudeness.Even low-intensity events or single incidents can diminish their focus and cognitive abilities.On the flip side, feeling genuinely appreciated lifts people up. It energizes. It’s also a powerful tool for encouraging the right behaviors.

People Are People: Emotional Torture Vs Emotional Rescue

Workplace relationship problems have significant costs for employers in the form of lost productivity, absenteeism and turnover. Dealing with incivility takes an average 13% of managers’ time as they work to mend relationships and deal with the aftermath of crass behavior. Rudeness causes recipients to be less likely to welcome feedback or initiate interactions. Their willingness to help others or share information drops significantly. Experiencing rudeness can trigger negative or aggressive thoughts, although victims may not understand the association.

Lost Productivity

Behaving politely toward others conveys respect and regard. It lifts people up. A smile, a cheerful greeting and a compliment make people feel valued and appreciated. When a leader treats employees in a respectful way, the leaders’ status increases along with the employees’ motivation. People work harder for warm, approachable bosses they respect and admire.You have more control than you think. Your attitude, mind-set and willfulness can make all the difference.

Civility Pays Off

Civility helps people succeed. People enjoy collaborating with someone who is cooperative and respectful. Seeking people’s input, listening to their ideas, thanking them for their efforts and sharing credit with them increases productivity. Team members feel safe in a civil environment, which frees them to take risks and offer suggestions. Civility spreads just as pervasively as incivility since people reciprocate behavior

A Catalyst In Success

How civil are you? Examine yourself about a range of behaviors, from positive, such as saying please and thank you, to negative, such as texting or using email during meetings, interrupting, blaming others, spreading rumors, ignoring invitations, making snide remarks, or failing to listen.

A Kinder, Gentler You: A Self Assessment

Use these seven strategies to lobby for feedback from others:<ol><li>Ask for focused feedback on your best and worst behaviors.</li><li>Work with a coach – A professional coach can observe your behavior in various work situations and provide objective analysis and suggestions.</li><li>Conduct a team tune-up: Use colleagues or friends as coaches.</li><li>Get 360° feedback.</li><li>Teach yourself how to read emotions of others.</li><li>Make time for reflection – Keep a journal to record your emotional states.</li><li>Take care of yourself - Avoid burnout.</li></ol>

Seven Strategies for Civility Feedback

Begin the journey to improved civility for yourself and your organization by focusing on the three basics. <ol><li>The first “civility fundamental” requires you to smile more. When you smile, you feel happier and more relaxed; you lift other people’s moods. </li><li>The second fundamental is to build authentic relationships with your staff members. Get to know them, encourage them to get to know one another, and acknowledge their work and efforts. </li><li>The third fundamental is to sharpen your listening skills. Get rid of distractions, focus your attention, make eye contact and ask questions. </li></ol>

The Three Fundamentals

Adopt a “giving mind-set” to promote a respectful work environment. When people share knowledge, resources and connections, civility becomes the norm. Five forms of giving are most effective in creating an affirming atmosphere:<ol><li> Share resources  – Collaborate with your co-workers to forge closer relationships.  </li><li> Share recognition  – Give credit to everyone who contributes.</li><li> Share gratitude  – Thank people for their efforts, and reward positive behaviors.</li><li> Share feedback  </li><li> Share purpose </li></ol>

Five Forms of Giving

<ul><li>Never send an email while angry, stressed or upset.</li><li> Never be overly informal or too verbose, don’t hit Reply All unnecessarily and don’t fail to respond to your email. </li><li>Fundamentals of email etiquette include using self-control, writing in a respectful tone and valuing your correspondents’ time. </li><li>Include a clear subject line. </li><li>Be concise; use proper grammar, punctuation and spelling; and copy only those who need a copy. </li><li>Don’t send an email when the conversation is better delivered face-to-face or on the phone. </li><li>Don’t include anything in an email that you wouldn’t say in person. </li></ul>

Email Etiquette

<ul><li>During interviews, pay attention to the way candidates behave. </li><li>Ask them to describe their past behavior and to give you examples. </li><li>Discuss how they handle anger and stress. </li><li>Observe how they speak about their former employers. </li><li>Follow up with employees who interacted with your potential hire, such as receptionists or parking lot attendants. </li><li>Research how candidates behaved in previous jobs.</li></ul>

Lift Your Organization

<ul><li>Every employee should know that civility matters. </li><li>Describe how they should treat one another. </li><li>Publish a basic code of conduct. </li><li>Emphasize civility repeatedly; notice when it occurs.</li></ul>

Codes and Coaches

If civil behavior matters to your organization, put systems in place to track it.Focus less on results and more on how people achieve them. Evaluate employees against metrics that highlight civility, such as collaboration, empowerment, respect and encouragement. Acknowledge and reward “all-star helpers” – employees who go above and beyond their job descriptions to help their colleagues.

Scoring and Practice

If you’re the victim of incivility in the workplace, you can’t control the other person’s behavior but you can manage your reaction. Take time to figure out a response plan calmly. If you decide to confront the offender, plan the conversation ahead of time. Focus on the issue rather than the individual. Listen closely to his or her response. Your goal is to agree on norms going forward. If you feel discussion is futile, follow the acronym BIFF(Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm) in future interactions.

Be Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm

Your best defense against incivility is to develop your own “sense of thriving.” The stronger you feel, the better you will handle adversity. Strengthen and reinforce your sense of thriving by finding purpose in your work and outside activities. Seek the support of a mentor, and build positive relationships in every area of your life.

The Bottom Line

Organizational practices for everyone to become more inclusive and enhance the performance of their teams.

Diverse And Inclusive Workplaces

Be Kind at the office. A guide to Civility.

From the leading authority on workplace incivility, Christine Porath, shows why it pays to be civil, and reveals just how to enhance effectiveness in the workplace and beyond by mastering civility. Incivility is silently chipping away at people, organizations, and our economy. Slights, insensitivities, and rude behaviors can cut deeply and hijack focus. Even if people want to perform well, they can't. Ultimately incivility cuts the bottom line. In MASTERING CIVILITY, Christine Porath shows how people can enhance their influence and effectiveness with civility. Combining scientific research with fascinating evidence from popular culture and fields such as neuroscience, medicine, and psychology, this book provides managers and employers with a much-needed wake-up call, while also reminding them of what they can do right now to improve the quality of their workplaces.

"The most useful, well-written, and emotionally compelling business book I have read in years. I couldn't put it down." - Robert I. Sutton, Stanford Professor and author of The No Asshole Rule "A must-read for every leader in their field." - Daniel H. Pink, bestselling author of To Sell is Human Incivility is silently chipping away at people, organizations, and our economy. Slights, insensitivities, and rude behaviors can cut deeply. Moreover, incivility hijacks focus. Even if people want to perform well, they can't. Customers too are less likely to buy from a company with an employee who is perceived as rude. Ultimately, incivility cuts the bottom line. In MASTERING CIVILITY, Christine Porath shows how people can enhance their influence and effectiveness with civility. Combining scientific research with fascinating evidence from popular culture and fields such as neuroscience, medicine, and psychology, this book provides managers and employers with a much-needed wake-up call, while also reminding them of what they can do right now to improve the quality of their workplaces.

Christine Porath

Mastering Civility

Mastering Civility: A Manifesto for the Workplace

Many individuals experience social anxiety, but a 2020 study showed that younger people are more affected by it. <ul><li>Symptoms show up in different ways, such as an intense fear of interacting or talking to strangers, being judged by others, humiliating yourself, or catastrophising.</li><li>Other common signs are blushing, sweating, trembling, feeling lightheaded or nauseous, or forgetting what to say.</li></ul> While the root causes and symptoms may vary, there are tools that can help you to make your networking event feel more approachable.

Social anxiety at a networking event

Visualise what will happen the night before. Your brain will think you've done it before and help to ease feelings of anxiety. <ul><li>Close your eyes and go through the entire process: Imagine yourself waking up in the morning, picking out what to wear, eating breakfast and driving to the place. Imagine how it would feel to enter the room.</li><li>Now imagine potential interactions: approaching someone standing alone and saying hello, grabbing a coffee and making a friendly comment to a peer. Imaging your warmth and enthusiasm supersede your anxiety.</li></ul>

Visualize how things will unfold

Create prompts for what you’d like to discuss or share at the networking event, including questions you’d feel comfortable asking. This can help reduce your anxiety quite a bit because you already know what you will say. Stand in front of a mirror and practice saying your script aloud. Pay attention to what you look like.

Write a script in advance

A lack of vitamin D or magnesium tend to make you feel more anxious. Eating vitamin D and magnesium-rich foods a few days in advance can be helpful to buffer the stress. Grab some fortified milk, yogurt, and Brazil nuts before an event. They contain selenium which helps manage anxiety, depression, and tiredness. Ensure to eat before networking to prevent showing up with a growling stomach. Also avoid sampling cuisine you've never had before, incase it doesn't agree with you.

Fuel up properly

When you enter the room, remind yourself that you're more than your job title. You may feel less constricted around what to discuss. <ul><li>Talk about hobbies. “What would you be up to if you weren’t at this thing?”; “Did you figure out today’s Wordle?”</li><li>Be an advocate. When you’re feeling anxious, tell yourself that you’re not here for yourself. Try reframing the event. For example, you are here to make connections that benefit someone you know or to learn more about (x). When we help other people, it makes us feel empowered and more in control of the situation.</li></ul>

Step outside your role

Try to identify events that feel like they’d be less stressful for you. For example, events focused on a particular person or group remove you from the centre of attention. <ul><li>Be an audience member. If the thought of a ballroom of strangers is overwhelming, consider attending a lecture or panel discussion.</li><li>Find your people. It could mean standing on the periphery, where introverts are more likely to stand.</li><li>Embrace the 10-minute rule.  Tell yourself, ‘I’m going to talk to this person for 10 minutes.’</li></ul>

Lower the stakes

A lot of people experience social anxiety, but it disproportionately impacts young people. If this is something you struggle with personally, there are a few tools you can use to help ease your nerves in unfamiliar social situations, such as a networking event for work. Visualize how things will unfold beforehand. Our brains often don’t know the difference between imagination and reality. If you’ve already walked through the event in your mind, it will be easier to confront in real time. Write a script. Create prompts for what you’d like to discuss or share at the event, including questions you’d feel comfortable asking. Fuel up properly. Taking supplements or eating vitamin D and magnesium-rich foods several days in advance of an event can help to buffer the stress that your body feels. Lower the stakes. Consider attending a panel discussion or lecture — two examples of learning opportunities where you can watch rather than actively participate.

If Networking Makes You Anxious, Try This

Most of us have had to face the dreaded, “Tell me about a time you made a mistake” question while interviewing for a new job. And while the whole point of an interview is to put your best foot forward—and nobody relishes disclosing past work failures—with a little advanced preparation, your response can actually work in your favour. (The thing you don’t want to do is wing it.) So what’s the best way to answer this question in a way that can enhance your desirability as a candidate?

How To Answer Questions About Mistakes

Understand what the interviewer is really getting at, so you can best tailor your response. What they really want to know is how you approach challenges, what you learned from the experience, and how you constructively applied that knowledge to other situations. In addition to gleaning a sense of your weaknesses, they’re trying to assess your problem-solving skills and potential for growth. (They also want to see if you’re honest.)

Why Is This Question Asked

<ul><li>Pick a specific example of a true work experience (not personal).</li><li>Make sure the mistake was minor, and something you successfully fixed.</li><li>Keep it brief, but be prepared to provide more details.</li><li>Take full responsibility for your mistake.</li><li>Describe how you solved it, and a positive result.</li><li>Emphasize what you learned from it and how you applied that knowledge to avoid future mistakes.</li></ul>

How To Answer

<ul><li>Do not discuss mistakes that reveal moral failings or character flaws (such as lying or fighting).</li><li>Don’t pass the blame onto others.</li><li>Don’t pick a mistake you were not able to fix.</li><li>Don’t make jokes or disparage your former employer.</li></ul>

Stuff To Avoid

Keep in mind the “STAR Technique”:S: Situation – describe the situation you were in when that past work-related mistake happened.T: Task – explain what you were supposed to do.A: Action – tell them what happened. Describe what you did wrong and how you handled the negative situation.R: Result – show the positive results and the lessons you learned from the experience.

The Famous STAR Technique

The Best Way to Answer 'Tell Me About a Mistake You Made' During an Interview

The sheer number of social media posts about the Will Smith-Chris Rock incident at the Oscars is proof that it’s hard to resist the attraction to drama—especially when it’s not happening to you. As companies start to return to the office and watercooler talk is easier to engage in, office drama might start to pick up, especially after going through the pandemic for the past two years.

The Lure Of Office Drama

We are social creatures who learn by comparing and contrasting ourselves with others. So when gossip and drama enter the scene and we are ‘invited’ to participate, our natural, biological inclination is to jump right into the toxicity because it affirms that we belong, and our perspective is valued.While not everyone is attracted to office drama, those who are may also find it to be a good method for battling under-stimulation or mundane daily surroundings at the office.

A Natural Inclination Towards Gossip and Drama

Many people in the workplace—at every level of an organization—have brains that crave novelty, and the juicy intrigue of an office spat can deliver on that need. However, as a bystander to the drama and not the subject of it, they may believe they are going to be viewed by the decision-makers as more stable, reliable employees, worthy of retention and better compensation when compared to the more conspicuous ‘troublemaker.'.

The Bystander

It may seem harmless on the surface, but office drama can have broader consequences. Drama can escalate to hurt people’s feelings and reputations, demotivate them, isolate them, and even take down a business.So while it might start as a healthy breather, it would be more healthy to laugh with your colleagues rather than at them. In the long run, you may be saving your own career.

The Impact Of Office Drama

Leaders who are caught up in drama or any conflicted situation have four choices:<ul><li>They can muster up the leadership courage to demand better behaviours from themselves and others.</li><li>They can learn to depersonalize the situation and live with the stress.</li><li>They can leave the organization, leave the team, and go somewhere else, which can depend on your involvement.</li><li>Become part of the problem, playing along with the games.</li></ul>

Caught Up In The Drama: The Choice For Leaders

Here’s why we crave workplace gossip—even when it’s best to avoid.


This is why you always get sucked into office drama

You spend a lot of time interacting with your coworkers, but that doesn’t mean you inherently share a tight-knit relationship. In fact, 41% of Americans say their coworkers are just that: coworkers. That’s understandable when the bulk of your conversations centre on work. You talk about projects. And timelines. And status updates. And meeting agendas. You’re on a team together to get a job done, after all.All of that collaboration becomes a whole lot easier (not to mention enjoyable) if you share some rapport with the people you work with.

Making Work Enjoyable With Good Relations

Officially, the word rapport is defined as a friendly, harmonious relationship. Especially: a relationship characterized by agreement, mutual understanding, or empathy that makes communication possible or easy.Rapport goes further than simply talking about the weather or doing small talk over the water cooler.

Defining Rapport

A few telltale signs that you share a good rapport with a colleagues:<ul><li>You don’t always need to provide a ton of context and background information because you’re confident you’re both on the same page.</li><li>You own your mistakes in front of them because they give you the benefit of the doubt and treat you with sympathy.</li><li>You don’t get nervous to ask them a question, for further instructions, or for other support.</li><li>You’re comfortable approaching them about a variety of topics, whether personal or work-related.</li></ul>

Signs That Your Peer Relationships Are Good

Tighter bonds and relationships: Science says that we all share a basic human motivation to affiliate with other people, and rapport helps us feel closer to the people we work with.  Increased happiness and job satisfaction: Those more tight-knit and comfortable relationships at work do more than combat loneliness and isolation—they actually boost our happiness and our overall engagement levels.Improved collaboration: When you build that solid foundation and mutual understanding with the people you work with, you’re able to work together more effectively.

Benefits Of A Good Rapport

In all honesty, almost everything you need to know about building rapport and being a good colleague you likely learned in kindergarten with this golden rule: treat others the way you want to be treated.It sounds basic, but it’s important. You can bring in donuts or make an effort to ask someone about their kids—but that can only do so much. It won’t make up for the fact that you continuously shirk responsibilities or miss deadlines, for example.

4 Strategies: Be A Decent Human Being

<ul><li>Practice active listening to ensure you actually understand what’s being communicated before taking action.</li><li>Own your responsibilities, meet your deadlines, and follow through on promises you make to your colleagues.</li><li>Offer to step in and help someone when they’re overwhelmed or struggling with a project or task. </li><li>Keep your microphone on mute when you’re not speaking in meetings so you avoid interrupting or distracting your fellow attendees.</li></ul>

Action To Take: Becoming A Decent Human Being

Ask yourself this: Are you asking them out of a sense of obligation and politeness? Or are you asking because you’re genuinely curious about how they’re doing? There’s a big difference—and most of us can usually sense which category someone falls into.This tactic for building rapport is about going beyond the general niceties (you know, the ones you hope to get through as fast as possible before moving into what you really want to talk about) to authentically touch base about how someone is feeling.

Genuinely Check-In

<ul><li>Invite a colleague to grab a quick lunch or coffee so you have some dedicated time to connect.</li><li>When you know somebody has a stressful day or week, stop by their desk with a treat or even a few encouraging words to let them know you’re rooting for them. </li><li>Reserve some time at the start of video chats or meetings to connect on a more personal level.</li><li>Send a quick email or instant message to check in about a specific topic and let someone know you’re thinking of them.</li><li>Share a resource that you think could help someone on your team.</li></ul>

Action To Take: Checking In With Colleagues

<a href="https://blog.trello.com/how-kudos-can-transform-teams?hsLang=en">Recognition at work</a> is so often talked about from the top-down—as if it always has to come from senior leadership or a manager. People want to know when they’re doing well, and hearing that (especially unprompted) from their own team members can carry a lot of meaning.

Prioritize Praise And Recognition

<ul><li>Stop by their desk with a small treat to celebrate a recent win or accomplishment.</li><li>Offer a genuine compliment about a job well done, whether that’s one-on-one or in a team meeting.</li><li>Write a quick “thank you” note or email to express your gratitude for their stepping in to help you on a recent task or project. </li><li> Send a personalized email or message to offer a compliment or a token of appreciation.</li><li>Start a Slack channel specifically designated for peer-to-peer praise and celebrating big and small wins.</li><li>Come up with a fun virtual tradition to recognize achievements.</li></ul>

Action To Take: Praise And Recognition

How much do you really know about your coworkers? You might know little quirks like that Arial is their preferred font or that they can’t stand when someone doesn’t clear the cooking time from the break room microwave.But, much like you, they have entire lives—families, hobbies, experiences, goals, and other priorities—outside of working hours. For those who are, expressing an active interest in those topics can help you establish and maintain an even deeper rapport.

Go Beyond “Work Mode”

<ul><li>Begin meetings with a funny or lighthearted icebreaker to get everybody comfortable and learn more about each other in the process.</li><li>Make an effort to actually follow up on the personal information that people openly share, whether they shared it with the whole team or you directly.</li><li>Start designated Slack channels for specific interest groups, such as working parents who want to share tips.</li><li>Create a collaborative playlist that you and your colleagues can all contribute to.</li><li>Find virtual-friendly opportunities to connect, such as inviting a coworker to have lunch together over video chat.</li></ul>

Action To Take: Beyond Work Mode

Rapport isn’t about engaging in trivial small talk with someone once or twice—that might make for an acquaintance, but not necessarily a colleague with whom you share mutual trust and understanding. Real rapport is about putting in the elbow grease to genuinely connect with the people you work with. Do that and you’ll have a tighter bond, a comfortable dynamic, and a way easier time getting great work done together.

Real rapport is about putting in the elbow grease to genuinely connect with the people you work with. Do that and you’ll have a tighter bond, a comfortable dynamic, and a way easier time getting great work done together. 