The core concerns are human wants that are important to almost everyone in virtually every negotiation. Rather than trying to deal directly with scores of changing emotions affecting you and others, you can turn your attention to five core concerns: <ul><li>Appreciation</li><li>Affiliation</li><li>Autonomy</li><li>Status</li><li>Role</li></ul>

Address the Concern, Not the Emotion

Everyone has a desire to feel understood, valued, and heard. When we feel appreciated, we are more likely to be cooperative and productive.<ul><li>Understand the other person's point of view.</li><li>Find merit in what they think, feel, or do.</li><li>Communicate your understanding through words or actions.</li><li>Give them a genuine compliment.</li><li>Take the time to listen to them.</li><li>Remember their interests and preferences.</li></ul>

How to Make Others Feel Appreciated

Affiliation is the feeling of connection and belonging that we have with others. When we feel affiliated with someone, we are more likely to trust them and work with them cooperatively.<ul><li>Find common ground with the other person.</li><li>Share personal information.</li><li>Build rapport.</li><li>Spend time together.</li><li>Help each other out.</li></ul>

How to Build Strong Relationships


Everyone wants to feel a sense of control over their own lives. When we feel autonomous, we are more likely to be motivated and productive.<ul><li>Consult with them before making decisions.</li><li>Give them options to choose from.</li><li>Allow them to make their own mistakes.</li><li>Respect their decisions, even if you disagree with them.</li></ul>

How to Give Others a Sense of Control


Status is the feeling of importance that we have in the eyes of others. When we feel respected, we are more likely to be cooperative and productive.<ul><li>Recognize their accomplishments.</li><li>Give them credit for their contributions.</li><li>Treat them with respect.</li><li>Listen to their ideas.</li><li>Include them in decision-making.</li></ul>

How to Acknowledge Others' Importance


Our role is the part that we play in a group or organization. When we feel like our role is meaningful, we are more likely to be engaged and productive.<ul><li>Identify your strengths and interests.</li><li>Find a role that aligns with your values.</li><li>Take on challenging assignments.</li><li>Make a difference in the world.</li></ul>

How to Find Meaning in Your Work


Venting is the act of expressing strong negative emotions in an uncontrolled way. While it may feel good in the moment, venting can actually make our emotions worse in the long run.<ul><li>Talk to a trusted friend or therapist.</li><li>Write in a journal.</li><li>Exercise.</li><li>Meditation.</li></ul>

How to Deal with Strong Negative Emotions

While many people assume that venting is a helpful way to get rid of strong negative emotions, it often leaves us and others angrier. As we create arguments demonstrating why we are right and others are wrong, we talk ourselves into a storm. Venting can be helpful, but only to the extent that there is someone to moderate self-justifications and to keep in mind each party’s perspective of the situation.

Venting Isn’t An Answer

"Beyond Reason" is a book by Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro on how emotions can affect negotiations. The book won the Outstanding Book Award for Excellence in Conflict Resolution from the International Institute for Conflict Prevention and Resolution.

“Written in the same remarkable vein as Getting to Yes, this book is a masterpiece.” —Dr. Steven R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People • Winner of the Outstanding Book Award for Excellence in Conflict Resolution from the International Institute for Conflict Prevention and Resolution • In Getting to Yes, renowned educator and negotiator Roger Fisher presented a universally applicable method for effectively negotiating personal and professional disputes. Building on his work as director of the Harvard Negotiation Project, Fisher now teams with Harvard psychologist Daniel Shapiro, an expert on the emotional dimension of negotiation and author of Negotiating the Nonnegotiable: How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally Charged Conflicts. In Beyond Reason, Fisher and Shapiro show readers how to use emotions to turn a disagreement-big or small, professional or personal-into an opportunity for mutual gain.

career

Career

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

books

Books

Roger Fisher

Daniel Shapiro

Beyond Reason

When you express with certainty a particular attitude, that attitude hardens. The opposite is true as well: Expressing uncertainty softens the attitude.

Amplification Hypothesis

The minority in a group can have a disproportionate effect on influencing those in the majority. Typically, those in the majority who are most susceptible are the ones who may have joined because it was easy to do so or who felt there were no alternatives. Consistent, confident minority voices are most effective.

Conversion Theory

This theory involves a persuasive person deliberately breaking one of the four conversational maxims. These are the four:<ul><li>Quantity: Information is complete and full.</li><li>Quality: Information is truthful and accurate.</li><li>Relation: Information is relevant to the conversation.</li><li>Manner: Information is expressed in an easy-to-understand way and non-verbal actions support the tone of the statement.</li></ul>

Information Manipulation Theory

You can be influenced by stimuli that affect how you perceive short-term thoughts and actions. Here’s a really smart example from Changing Minds:A stage magician says ‘try’ and ‘cycle’ in separate sentences in priming a person to think later of the word ‘tricycle’.

Priming

A common social norm, reciprocity involves our obligation to return favors done by others.

Reciprocity Norm

You want what is in short supply. This desire increases as you anticipate the regret you might have if you miss out by not acting fast enough.

Scarcity Principle

Persuasive messages tend to decrease in persuasiveness over time, except for messages from low-credibility sources. Messages that start out with low persuasion gain persuasion as our minds slowly disassociate the source from the material (i.e., a presumably sleazy car salesman and his advice on what car is best).

Sleeper Effect

We are influenced strongly by others based on how we perceive our relationship with the influencer. For example, social proof on web copy is persuasive if the testimonials and recommendations are from authoritative sources, big brands, or peers.

Social Influence

This approach, based on multiple years of research by Yale University, found a number of factors in persuasive speech, including being a credible, attractive speaker; when it’s important to first or go last; and the ideal demographics to target.

Yale Attitude Change Approach

Certain words carry more power than others. This theory breaks persuasive words into three categories:<ul><li>God terms: those words that carry blessings or demand obedience/sacrifice. e.g, progress, value</li><li>Devil terms: those terms that are despised and evoke disgust. e.g., fascist, pedophile</li><li>Charismatic terms: those terms that are intangible, less observable than either God or Devil terms. e.g., freedom, contribution.</li></ul>

Ultimate Terms

Influence your audience without feeling sleazy about it with these tips on social media.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

marketingandsales

Marketing & Sales

communication

Communication

How To Use 10 Psychological Theories To Persuade People

Who hasn’t seen a friend divert their attention, mid-conversation, to reflexively check their phone? Most of us simply accept these interruptions as a consequence of our times.Unfortunately, distraction is contagious. When smokers get together, the first one to take out their pack sends a cue, and when others notice, they do the same. Likewise, digital devices can prompt others’ behaviors. When one person takes out their phone at dinner, it acts as an external trigger. Soon, others are lost in their screens at the expense of the conversation.

Lost In The Screen

The remedy for distraction in social situations involves the development of new norms that make it taboo to check one’s phone when in the company of others.The only way to make sure certain unhealthy behaviors are no longer acceptable is to call them out and address them with social antibodies that block their spread. This tactic worked with smoking, and it can work with digital distractions.

Developing Social Antibodies

You can ask a direct question that gives the person two simple options: (1) excuse himself to attend to the crisis happening on his device, or (2) kindly put away his phone.The question goes like this: “I see you’re on your phone. Is everything okay?”Remember to be sincere—after all, there might really be an emergency. But more often than not, he’ll mutter a little excuse, tuck his phone back into his pocket, and start enjoying the night again.

How To Handle The Person Distracted In The Phone

If we’re not intentional about making time and space for distraction-free discussions, we risk losing the opportunity to truly know others and allow them to truly know us.In the same way that society reduced social smoking with social antibodies, we can reduce distraction while with friends.By getting agreement from our friends and families to manage distraction and taking steps to remove external triggers that don’t serve us, we can quarantine the social contagion of distraction while spending time with people we love.

Distraction Free Days

Digital distractions prevent us from being fully present with the people we love. Here’s how to (politely) get a friend off their phone.

habits

Habits

technologyandthefuture

Technology & The Future

How to Get a Friend to Put Away Their Phone Without Being a Jerk

In short, yes: There is such a thing as drinking too much water.<ul><li>Kidneys can excrete up to 28 liters of fluid in a day, but only one liter an hour. Drinking more than this can lead to water intoxication and electrolyte imbalances.</li><li>Doing so can dilute the sodium in their bodies, resulting in a condition called hyponatremia (this happens mostly to athletes).</li></ul>

Is it possible to drink too much water?

<ul><li>If you're wondering how much water you should drink each day, you're not alone, as the varying advice can get confusing. </li><li>Staying properly hydrated means taking in roughly 30 to 50 ounces of water, and doing so periodically throughout the day. </li><li>Hydration includes water from drinks, but also from water-rich or 'wet' snacks like fruit and vegetables.</li></ul>

How much water you should drink per day

It is possible to drink too much water, MDs say, but how much water is too much? Here's how to tell if you're drinking too much water, the risks, and how to treat it.

health

Health

Hydration Is Essential, but Can You Drink Too Much Water?

75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. The one thing we can do to prevent chronic illness is long-term hydration.
Achieving a state of hydration is possible. The popular rule is eight cups of water a day. However, there is no one-size-fits-all. A better practice is to drink half your weight in ounces. For example, if you weigh 120 pounds, your body will need 60 ounces of water a day.

Drinking enough water

After one day:<ul><li>An increase in the efficiency of cells, more energy and clearer thinking.</li><li>Improvement in muscle cramps and headache relief.</li></ul> After one week:<ul><li>Fewer aches and pains.</li><li>Bowel movements will become more regulated.</li><li>Skin will improve. Suboptimal hydration will lead to wrinkled or drooping skin and reduced muscle strength.</li></ul> After one month:<ul><li>Expect clearer, less bloated skin, mental clarity, muscle strength, and stamina.</li></ul> After six months:<ul><li>Less risk of diseases and disorders like urinary tract infections, coronary heart disease, glaucoma, hypertension, and gallstones.</li></ul>

When you drink enough water

We all know we're suppose to be drinking water, but do you know exactly how much, and what happens when you achieve that enviable 'hydrated' level? We asked two experts, one person who literally wrote the book on it and a nutritionist, what happens immediately, and over time, when you are drinking enough water. Drink up!

Benefits Of Drinking Water

The mind recalls old memories when it visits a certain place(usually where we used to be as kids) in amazing detail. Our memory banks contain so much information that we don’t even know exists, until it gets triggered by a certain location, food, smell or music.
The association mechanism of the mind unlocks the ‘memory locker’ with odd, awkward and embarrassing memories that are stuck inside. We don’t have control over what memory pops up!

The Mind’s GPS Memory

<ul><li>Though thoughts are about real things, they themselves are just thoughts, sensations and hallucinations with no substance. </li><li>We don’t need to engage with every thought and get carried away to the next associative thought, drowning in the thought spiral.</li><li>It is a good idea to treat thoughts like TV noise coming from a different room, something you can easily ignore. </li><li>Do not act or get emotionally attached to the constant stream of thoughts all the time, giving your mind some rest.</li></ul>

Treating Thoughts Like TV Channels

I often go with my friend and her chihuahua Abby to Abby’s favorite place in the world, which is a large open prairie field at Beaudry Park. It’s the only place she can run around all she wants without encountering […]

problemsolving

Problem Solving

How to Get out of Your Own Head

We think we should be improving certain parts of our personality, while certain character traits are to be left intact. This division of personality traits creates confusion and subconscious bias.
<ul>
<li>Psychologists believe that conscientiousness, openness, agreeableness, extraversion and emotional stability are mainstream traits that are neither positive nor negative.</li>
<li>The other, more traditional virtues like kindness, compassion and forgiveness are not included in the five main traits to categorize people.</li>
</ul>

Your Personality Is Biased

Character traits are thought to be flexible through effort, and the personality is traditionally regarded as inherited or rigid. However, it is wrongly assumed that character change is feasible and personality is fixed.New research reveals that whether a person’s personality transforms or the extent to which it changes, has its roots in their motivation to change, and the steps they take, something known as Volitional Personality Change.

Personality Vs Character

An extensive 2021 study suggests that both personality and character can be changed with(substantial) effort. That brings the question of whether we would want to change our core self or not.<ul><li>Character traits reveal our motives and values, telling a lot about who we really are. </li><li>Personality traits are more like patterns of behaviour that may or may not provide any information about what we care about or who we are.</li></ul>

Changing Who We Are

Our inability to change might just be mental inertia and auto-suggestion, as it is seen in various studies that both character and personality can be changed rapidly and intentionally, something thought of as improbable before.The big five personality traits: Conscientiousness, openness, agreeableness, extraversion and emotional stability, serve as a psychological foundation in developing or hindering character traits like kindness or forgiveness.

Swift Change Is Possible

Various studies on the correlation of goals and one’s personality conclude that they are working in tandem, greatly affecting one another. This makes it possible to change our goals(or adopt specific goals) in order to alter our personality.We need to update our thinking on what it takes to change our personality traits, giving up on the myth of a morally inflexible personality set in stone.

Goals And Personality

The distinction between fixed personality and willed character is murky. Could improving your personality be a moral duty?

Is improving your personality a moral duty or a category confusion? | Psyche Ideas

Before expecting something, we have to understand two psychological facts:
<ol>
<li>Merely expecting something will not make it happen.</li>
<li>If we hope to have our expectations fulfilled and those hopes do not have a valid reason, there is bound to be a disappointment.</li>
</ol>
Example: We start driving and expect to reach by 15 minutes, but due to construction work on the road, we get late and feel resentful.

Expectations: Premeditated Resentments

Psychologist Jean Piaget found that young children have expectations and believe that their thoughts have direct effects on the things around them, something referred to as Magical Thinking.
According to the psychologist, we outgrow this tendency by age 7, but it is clear that many adults keep believing that their thoughts affect their surroundings, as evident by the popularity of the Law Of Attraction books.

Magical Thinking: Law Of Attraction

Just merely using magic thinking and expecting something is not going to get us anything, setting us up for eventual disappointment. If we want something to happen, we have to take the necessary steps to facilitate the same.
Example: Simply wishing for a cup of coffee will not make it come to us. We have to get up from the bed and actually make it in the kitchen.

Expectations: The Necessary Steps

Expectations sound logical when things are in our own hands, but expecting others to behave in a certain way will not automatically make it so. And when our expectations are not lived up to by others, we feel shocked and resentful.
These resentments become premeditated, as we set them up ourselves, albeit unconsciously. Example: Ordering medium-rare steak at a restaurant, but ending up being served a well done one.

Expecting From Other People

<ul>
<li>Expecting that life will turn out the way we want it to be is a sure-fire way to experience disappointment, because life does not check our expectations before happening.</li>
<li>If our unfulfilled expectations involve other people who have ‘failed’ to behave how we expected them to, we are making a critical mistake by getting angry about it.</li>
<li>If we are not angry if the cup of coffee we expected from ourselves did not materialize, then why do we get angry if someone else did not make us one?</li>
</ul>

Our Expectations Are The Problem

<ul>
<li>Not speaking to others or having zero communication about one’s expectations is almost guaranteed to make it a failure.</li>
<li>Open communication is essential to improve the chances of one’s expectations becoming a reality, but that is also not enough.</li>
<li>Merely communicating something to the other person and expecting it to be done is an unrealistic expectation by itself, if it is not in the interest of the other person.</li>
</ul>

Unspoken Expectations: Guaranteed Failure

We cannot even understand ourselves, so it is futile to think that we can fully understand other people.
<ul>
<li>Normally, we would not do something inconsistent with our values and goals, so we cannot demand others to fulfill our expectations if it is not consistent with their own interests.</li>
<li>We also fail to realize how the other person may resent us for expecting something they cannot fulfill.</li>
<li>A better option is to let go of expectations and find something positive, something you are grateful for.</li>
<li>If things don’t turn out the way you wanted to, you will feel serenity, not resentment.</li>
</ul>

Let Go Of Expectations

Why unrealistic expectations are premeditated resentments.

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

The Psychology of Expectations

Los Angeles's Hollywood neighbourhood is known for its unparalleled cinematic contributions. Its new filmmaking styles prepared the way for others to follow.
Los Angeles is the second-most populous city in the United States and may be the most glamorous. It includes two famous landmarks: Disneyland and Universal Studios Hollywood.

Los Angeles And The Film Industry

The site where Los Angeles now stands first belonged to native tribes, including the Chumash and Tongva. 
In 1542, explorer Juan Rodríguez Cabrillo discovered the area. Spanish settlers founded a small ranching community and named it El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles (The town of Our Lady the Queen of the Angels), and later shortened it to Pueblo de los Ángeles.

Los Angeles: The site first belonged to native tribes

Hollywood started as a small enclave that contained a post office, a hotel, a livery stable, and a streetcar. A banker and real estate magnate H.J. Whitley further developed the area.
Hollywood was merged with the city of Los Angeles in 1910 because Hollywood was unable to handle its sewage and water needs. Los Angeles had around 300,000 people, and by 1960, it grew to 2.5 million.

Hollywood becomes part of Los Angeles

The first film completed in Los Angeles was the Count of Monte Cristo in 1908. Two years later, the film Old California was produced.
The climate allowed for outdoor filming year-round, and the mixed terrain provided for a variety of settings. But, most importantly, it was far away from the state of New Jersey, where Edison's Motion Picture Patent Company ruled and strangled the film industry.

The film industry

Hollywood became the world leader in narrative silent films. In 1927, Hollywood produced its first movie that included the actors' voices. In the 1930s, Los Angeles studios competed and influenced the film industry. The Acadamy Awards were first presented in Los Angeles and remain the most prestigious awards in the entertainment industry.
The humble town changed into a centre of filmmaking and marked the new art form that enriches and entertains humanity.

The 1930s Los Angeles

history

History

movies

Movies & Shows

Centers of Progress: Los Angeles (Cinema)

<ul>
<li>This is what the physiological and psychological study of laughter is called.</li>
<li>It was founded by American psychologist, William Fry, from Stanford University.</li>
</ul>

Gelotology: the study of humor and laughter

<ul>
<li>Enhanced immune system</li>
<li>Muscle relaxation</li>
<li>Reduced blood pressure</li>
<li>Reduced chances for heart disease</li>
<li>Decreases the risk of onset diabetic complications</li>
<li>Increases pain tolerance</li>
<li>It also burns calories.</li>
</ul>

Physiological benefits of laughter

<ul>
<li>Releases mood-boosting chemicals like endorphins</li>
<li>Reduces feelings of stress and depression</li>
<li>Improves sleep quality</li>
<li>Increases self-esteem and creative thinking</li>
<li>Enhances environment for learning.</li>
</ul>

Psychological benefits of laughter

"Always laugh when you can. It's cheap medicine".

More and more research shows us that the benefits of laughter are wide-ranging and easily accessible. Laughter is not just a spontaneous response to something funny and although it is a social activity it can be also self-induced. 
In order to develop our wellbeing with laughter, we must be able to enjoy laughing at humor itself, teach ourselves a level of comedic skill, share this with others, and also be able to laugh without the use of humor.

Boosting wellbeing from laughing

You don’t have to wait to be amused, there are ways to train yourself to enjoy the ‘cheap medicine’ of laughter every day