The Wrong Way to Motivate Your Kid

Sometimes kids stumble onto their strengths on their own. Other times, they need a gentle nudge. This is where curiosity becomes your superpower as a parent.

Ask questions like: “What do you do that makes you lose track of time?” or “When do you feel the most confident or alive?”

Here’s the thing: most people—even adults—tend to undervalue what comes naturally to them. Your kid might be amazing at explaining stuff to others, but they won’t realize that’s a strength unless someone points it out.

Once you’ve spotted a strength, it’s time to level it up. Research shows that motivation isn’t just about raw talent—it’s about deliberate practice. The stuff we get better at when we stick with it. That could mean summer programs, clubs, or just letting them explore at home without a rigid agenda. The key? Suggest, don’t push. The fastest way to kill enthusiasm is to force it.

Nobody’s good at everything. And that’s fine. The trick is using what does work to navigate what doesn’t.

The stories we tell in our families shape how kids see themselves. If they keep hearing, “He’s terrible at time management” or “She’s just not a reader,” those labels start to stick. Instead, flip the script.

Say things like: “You have a real gift for making people feel welcome” or “Your imagination always surprises me.” And yes, it has to be real. Kids know when we’re faking it.

To help fortify children’s islands, parents can take a few simple steps:

1. Identify the Island 🌴
2. Name It 🏷️
3. Build on It 🧱
4. Use Strengths to Tackle Weaknesses 🛠️
5. Tell an Optimistic Story ✨