The worst kind of leadership is when a leader behaves like a domineering boss, making others feel insignificant. But let’s have a look at the other extreme where the leader believes that leadership means bearing every burden themselves. Joanna, one of my clients in coaching, started our session saying “My team trusts me—they followed my vision, feed off my passion, and leans on my expertise. Yet, I hesitated to delegate, not because I don’t trust them, but because I don’t want to let them down.”

The Leader Who Carried It All

The silent mantra that doesn’t let us delegate:"If I don’t do it, it might fail—and if it fails, I’ll have let them down."

It hit her when we tried to laugh about it:  "Why delegate when you can overwork, overstress, and overcontrol?"The punchline? The only person she was controlling was herself—into exhaustion.The irony was undeniable. She wanted to build empires—multiple businesses, global collaborations—but she was stuck in a loop of self-sabotage. Her "hard work" wasn’t scaling; it was suffocating her true potential.

The Joke That Exposed The Truth

The breakthrough came when she realized:  1. Delegation isn’t abandonment. It’s an invitation for others to grow.  2. Clarity dissolves fear. Defining outcomes and timelines first gave her the safety net to let go.  3. Her survival mode was outdated. The skills that got her here (hyper-independence) wouldn’t get her there (scale).  She started small, sketched a few deliverables with a low to medium-risk task, handed it off, and watched two things happen:  - Her team stepped up.  - Nothing collapsed.

The Shift: From Martyr To Multiplier

Now, she has designed a new playbook for her leadership style:- Pre-delegation clarity: "What does ‘done’ look like?" (Write it first.)  - The 10% rule: If she was doing more than 10% of someone else’s job, she would be the bottleneck.  - Humorous accountability: When she slips into "martyr mode," she would repeat: "Delegate first, apologize never (unless you micromanage—then apologize profusely)."

The System for Confident Leadership

Leadership isn’t about carrying the weight alone. It’s about creating structures where others can lift with you. And sometimes, it takes a sarcastic joke to expose the absurdity of the old way—so you can finally change it.

The Lesson

<ol><li>When people follow you, what are they actually trusting?</li><li>What’s the fear underneath your ‘protecting the team’ narrative?</li><li>What if success isn’t perfect outcomes, but collective growth?</li></ol> The turning point? A sarcastic joke:  "Teamwork makes the dream work… unless I do all the work myself."

The coaching questions that forced her to get real:

P.S. My DMs are open if you want to shift your leadership perspective. No "overworking" required.

Drop a 🔥 if you’ve ever been stuck in "hero mode”

Designing a System for Confident Leadership.

career

Career

corporateculture

Corporate Culture

strategy

Strategy

teamwork

Teamwork

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

Why Delegate When You Can Overwork, Overstress, and Overcontrol?

Validation, a sense of control, and security are the main human desires at work. But when we rely too much on external validation, it can feel like the ground is shaking beneath us. We lose our footing, our confidence wavers, and suddenly, leadership feels overwhelming.  So, how do we regain that sense of control?  The answer is simple in theory but takes practice to master: Find validation from within.

VALIDATION, CONTROL & SECURITY

Anna, a new client in my coaching practice, had just become a Scrum Master. She led a team of brilliant designers and engineers, yet she came to our first session with one pressing goal: "I need to find a way to please everyone."She explained that whenever she thought something was right, her team disagreed—and vice versa. She was stuck in a loop, constantly second-guessing herself.The struggle: "What they think is right" vs. "What I think is right." She was relying entirely on external validation.

The Trap of External Validation – Anna’s Story

Anna’s reliance on external validation also showed up in how she structured her one-on-one meetings. She wanted clear instructions on what to do, yet she was doing the same thing to her team—dictating how meetings should run without leaving room for their own adjustments. This was a leadership paradox: She applied a rigid, one-size-fits-all approach, even though she knew her team members had different personalities. I asked her: "How can something be right for both you and the person you’re speaking to?

The One-on-One Routines Dilemma

Anna realized that recognizing her team’s unique personalities wasn’t enough—she had to act on it. Leadership isn’t about finding one right way and sticking to it. People are different, and what works for one person may not work for another.

Leadership Isn’t a Standard Toolbox – It’s Custom-Built

True leadership is about:<ol><li>Adapting in the moment – Building the right approach for each person, project, and conversation. </li><li>Letting go of "right vs. wrong" – There’s no universal playbook, only what serves the situation best. </li><li>Embracing discomfort – Growth happens when we step away from what’s familiar and try something new. </li></ol> The Right Leadership Is Fluid

FINAL THOUGHTS ON LEADERSHIP

Leadership isn’t about finding one right way and sticking to it. The right leadership is fluid.

Have you ever asked yourself, “Am I doing the right thing?"
If you’re a first-time leader, this question might feel all too familiar.

communication

Communication

Am I Doing the Right Thing? – How to Lead with Confidence When Doubt Creeps In

You’ve probably heard the classic breakup line: “It’s not you, it’s me.” But I’ve always added my own twist: “It’s me I don’t like around you.”I’ve been told more times than I can count that I should “choose life over career.” And sure, I’ve tried believing that—only to end up frustrated with myself for making choices based on others’ expectations instead of my own. Truth is: I don’t like who I become around people who constantly tell me I need to change.

LABEL #1 LOVEAHOLIC VS WORKAHOLIC

How can we connect without the weight of labels?Why does getting to know someone feel so complicated? Because we slap labels on everything—dating, relationship, situationship—and suddenly, expectations pile up.  What if we could just meet, be, laugh, and enjoy without the pressure to fit into a role? “Just be yourself” sounds simple, but in a dating or relationship dynamic, “yourself” often gets molded into a role—the caretaker, the giver, the lover. So who are we outside these labels? And how do we stay true to ourselves when meeting someone new?

LABEL #2 DATING VS RELATIONSHIP

What does “the best” really mean?* The best moment. The best kiss. The best sex.But what makes something “the best”? And why should the other person believe it? I’m a naturally curious person, so when someone throws around phrases like that, I always wonder: What’s the benchmark? What makes this stand above everything else?

LABEL #3 THE BEST …I’VE EVER HAD

What’s Hiding Behind Your Labels?

What other labels do you encounter daily? Workaholic. Dating. Relationship. The best. What do they really mean—and how do they shape how you see yourself?  Note: This article isn’t about right or wrong answers. It’s about awareness. Your truth is different from mine. And the more we question these labels, the more clearly we see what’s actually true for us.

NO RIGHT OR WRONG

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

The Freedom of No Labels: Who Are You Really? 

I like to think that ANGER is one of the most powerful and important emotions. While I spent years trying to repress it because I thought it only hurts people around me, in the end it taught me one of the most important lessons.
If ANGER would be a person and had a voice it would tell us that a boundary needs to be set or an existing one is being violated. And when we don’t acknowledge it, in most cases it intensifies. And when it’s combined with fear becomes anxiety. At least for me it did.
Scroll down to see how to release it.

Teacher #1 ANGER

While FEAR is considered one of the major obstacles in achieving our big goals, it is also an emotion that keeps us aware. If FEAR was a person, it would tell us that something important needs to be known before it becomes a danger for us. Fear is like a wake up call to reality. Deny it, and it might become true if it’s not listened to.

Teacher #2 FEAR

The energy of loss - SADNESS - is usually what keeps us loyal to people and things we don’t want to lose. But if SADNESS would be a person, it would teach us that we need to let go, and say goodbye to old ideas, people or projects that no longer serve their purpose. Once it was meaningful, but now is going away and we need to move on with something NEW.

Teacher #3 SADNESS

Finally some positive emotions. For a long time I believed that only negative emotions help us learn and develop ourselves. But I was wrong. If there is something that JOY taught me recently is that something needs to be appreciated and celebrated. Not only negative emotions need to be expressed, but also the positive ones. So don’t ignore this one. A good celebration boosts our motivation. Somehow many leaders are so focused on results that they forget to just pause and celebrate the wins. Both small and big.

Teacher #4 JOY

I bet you didn’t expect this one. I also didn’t. And just to be clear, I’m not talking about physical attraction in the work place.In a recent chapter of a book I read that sexual feelings are the energy of creativity and creation. Felt usually in the pelvic area of our body, if this emotion were a person it would tell us that something new needs to be birthed or created. It would tell us that something inside us, that we desire so much, needs to be expressed. Like being pregnant with ideas and innovation.

Teacher #5 SEXUAL FEELING

We can ignore or accept these 5 emotions as teachers in our life. But if you are a new leader and you choose to listen to these 5 teachers and what you can learn from them, here is how:<ol><li>LOCATE THE EMOTION IN YOUR BODY. What is the body part that feels that emotion more intense? </li><li>NAME THE EMOTION. If you were to introduce the emotion to someone, how would you call it? </li><li>GIVE IT A SOUND. If this emotion would have a voice, how would it sound?</li><li>RELEASE IT. By accepting that it exists and is present in your body, you will start feeling at ease. The same way we want to be seen, so does every emotion. </li></ol>

GROWTH vs LIMITING MINDSET

Manage your emotions before managing people and you’ll be a great leader.

Leading positions can be overwhelming. I see people thrive and people who struggle with complex emotions in their first role as a leader. Here are 5 teachers every new leader can benefit from:

education

Learning & Education

5 important teachers for every NEW leader

Living single in your early 30s can feel either terrifying or exhilarating—like you’re untouchable one moment and questioning everything the next.  FREEDOM impacts each of us differently. Some people thrive in solitude, while others feel most free within a secure relationship. As I write this, I’m reminded that freedom is one of my core values—one I fiercely protect.  If freedom matters to you, you’ve probably felt that internal alarm when it’s threatened. This makes dating in our 30s feel tougher than in our 20s—we know ourselves better, and we’re more aware of what’s at stake: our values.

30 Years Old And Free

People who prioritize their freedom aren’t immediately available. Yet somehow, that makes them immediately more attractive.  I’ve been on both sides—drawn to unavailable men and being the unavailable one for men who wanted me. Both experiences taught me the same lesson, which became a firm belief: It’s not unavailability itself that’s attractive, but someone’s ability to stand by their values.So I wonder: Are we really drawn to them, or to the self-respect and loyalty one embodies —qualities we wish we had more of ourselves?

Here’s the catch:

<ul><li>Does this explain why we sometimes chase self-centered people, even when they’re not particularly smart or physically attractive?  </li></ul>And more importantly, does it also explain why, when someone seems too eager to have us, we don’t feel special—but uneasy? As if it’s not really about us, but about what we represent: strong boundaries and unshaken values.  <ul><li>Is availability unattractive? And since healthy relationships require both people to be present, how do we balance the two?  </li></ul>

Here’s Some Reflection:

How can availability become attractive?

What makes dating so difficult in our 30s?

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

Available or Attractive? 

Nobody owes anybody anything. If it was passion for our job, love, or better welfare that led us to move in a new country, shouldn’t we embrace its culture too? Not many people that I’ve met in my journey fully embraced the culture of the new country they were moving in. And a noticeable effect were always the sour complaints against people, food, lifestyle or other things that were typical for that country. While it’s so hard to change our habits because they are so well tattooed and are a result of our background, is it really impossible to open up to other habits too?

What Does It Take To Embrace A New Culture?

“This is who I am and I’m not going to change that.” - I hear that more often from people lately and as an empathic person my first response is always: “And you don’t have to!” My favourite saying in Dutch is “Niets moet, alles mag” which translates to “nothing is a must, everything is possible”. Truth is I categorise these people as inflexible at first, and then I feel how a change in perception about a new culture can feel like an attack on their person. So what do we feel we give up when we are faced with these changes? And do we really have to give up to make room for new cultural habits?

What Do We Give Up On, When We Adapt To New Cultures?

It’s clear that we move to a new country for benefits that we don’t have in our own, but when the focus is solely on those benefits, it feels like robbers in a bank. “We are here for a short while, if everyone is willing to cooperate, no one will be hurt.” But the truth is that everyone feels uncomfortable. Of course it would be nice to live in a place with good food and weather such as Italy, while having the salaries of Luxembourg, the landscapes of Norway and the medical system of Switzerland. But how can we feel we belong in a place without adapting to the rest of the country’s culture?

What Makes Us Feel Like Intruders And How Can We Belong?

Adapting to a new culture can feel like giving up on who we are. But who we are, is usually shaped by our experiences. So we might as well embrace the cultural habits of the country we’re living in, instead of feeling like an outsider.

After 10 years living and working abroad I couldn’t help but wonder:

habits

Habits

artsandculture

Society, Arts & Culture

Working and living abroad 

As a professional coach,I understand that biases can often cloud our judgment and interfere with achieving success.However, by identifying these biases and asking the right questions, you can challenge your assumptions and turn these biases into strengths that work in your favor.I have identified 10 biases I’ve had and still have sometimes in my work, followed by questions designed to help me test each assumption.This helped me navigate my biases and ensure they don’t stand in the way of my success.

Understanding and Overcoming BIASES for YOUR Career Success

It’s easy to assume we know what someone else is thinking, but that often leads to misunderstandings or missed opportunities.Question to test it:How can I find out what the person in front of me is thinking of this idea? This question reminds me to seek clarification instead of assuming, which opens the door for more effective communication.

BIAS 1: I Can Guess What People Think

Visualizing the bigger picture is often seen as a strength, but it can also limit your ability to see alternative outcomes.Question to test it:What are different outcomes that I can see, and how different is the bigger picture with different outcomes?By exploring various scenarios, you ensure that your vision is flexible and adaptable, which is crucial for long-term success.

BIAS 2: I Can Already Visualise The Bigger Picture

This bias often leads to rushed decisions without fully understanding what’s at stake.Question to test it:What do we really want to achieve? Is it the success of the project or to shine?Understanding the real goal behind your actions helps you focus on sustainable success rather than short-term visibility.

BIAS 3: If We Don’t Start Acting Fast We Lose Our Spotlight

While it’s great to be passionate, it’s a mistake to assume everyone shares the same level of enthusiasm.Question to test it:What is the motivation behind each member’s work inside this project?By understanding each person’s unique motivation, you can better align the team and leverage their strengths.

BIAS 4: Everyone In The Project Is As Passionate As I Am

Action is important, but it’s not the only measure of progress.Question to test it:What are the important elements of progress that we should take into account?This question encourages you to recognize the value in planning, strategizing, and learning, which are also key components of progress.

BIAS 5: We Are Only Progressing When We Take Action

Speed is often mistaken for efficiency, but slow doesn’t always mean ineffective.Question to test it:What other skills do slow people have, and how can we use them at their best?This perspective allows you to appreciate different work styles and utilize every team member’s unique contributions.

BIAS 6: Slow People Will Hold The Team Behind

Aesthetics matter, but content should always be the priority.Question to test it:What are the elements that make a presentation good?Focusing on both the visuals and the substance ensures your presentation delivers value and makes a lasting impact.

BIAS 7: A Good Presentation Is More Important Than Content

Assuming that everyone shares your priorities can lead to frustration and misalignment within the team.Question to test it:What is the common goal of everyone? How can I find it out? What importance do others give to these tasks or projects?By understanding other perspectives, you foster better collaboration and ensure that the team is united around a common goal.

BIAS 8: If I Think It’s Important Everyone Should Think The Same

Data is a valuable tool, but it’s not infallible.Question to test it:What are potential blind spots in the data?Recognizing the limitations of data helps you make more informed and balanced decisions, considering both the known and unknown factors.

BIAS 9: I Can Predict The Future By Looking At The Data

While ambition is crucial, it’s not the only path to success.Question to test it:What impact do I want to make? How big is the impact? What are some examples of small wins that can motivate the team?These questions can encourage anyone to break down larger goals into achievable milestones, allowing the team to maintain momentum while aiming for a bigger impact over time.

BIAS 10: You Need To Go Big Or Go Home

Build on your strength, not on your biases.

By acknowledging these biases and challenging them with the right questions, you can also sharpen your self-awareness and lead your team more effectively.This process not only helps you stay on track for success but also improves communication, decision-making, and overall project outcomes.Recognizing and questioning these assumptions will help you navigate complexities with a clearer, unbiased perspective, ultimately driving better results for your business or career.

Acknowledge Your Biases

I'm a coach dedicated to helping YOU find the career path that suits you best.My goal is to guide you in building the life you want, empowering you to make informed decisions that align with your passions and values.If you would like to learn more, schedule a FREE consultation call.https://claudia-coaching.my.canva.site/