How to Be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo

“When we are truly present, we bring the gift of love in its purest form.”

This chapter explores the importance of being fully present with our partners. Love flourishes in mindfulness, where we listen deeply and engage without distractions. Emotional availability is a cornerstone of mature relationships, and true connection arises when we meet each other in the moment.

“Unhealed wounds from the past distort how we see the present.”

Many of our struggles in relationships stem from unresolved childhood wounds. Richo explains how past traumas influence our expectations and behaviors. By becoming conscious of these wounds, we can stop projecting them onto our partners and start healing through self-awareness and compassionate relationships.

“Fear is love’s greatest enemy; it shuts down the heart.”

Fear often prevents us from giving and receiving love fully. This chapter discusses common relationship fears—fear of abandonment, rejection, or vulnerability—and how they block intimacy. Richo encourages us to recognize these fears and choose love over self-protection.

“Boundaries are the space where love and respect meet.”

Healthy relationships require a balance between intimacy and personal freedom. Richo emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries—not as walls but as structures that protect self-respect and foster mutual trust. A mature relationship honors both closeness and individuality.

“Conflict is not the end of love but an invitation to deepen it.”

By reframing conflict as an opportunity for personal and relational growth, rather than avoiding disagreements, mature lover navigates them with openness, honesty, and compassion. Richo provides tools for conflict resolution based on mutual understanding and respect.

“True love is not about possession but about allowing the other to be free.”

Love is ultimately a spiritual journey. Richo highlights that real love is about supporting another’s growth rather than trying to control them. The deepest love is one that fosters both connection and freedom, enabling both partners to flourish.

“To love fully, we must let go of the need to cling.”

Attachment and neediness can suffocate love. Mature love is free from possessiveness; it is about giving, not clinging. Richo encourages self-sufficiency, where love is a choice rather than a necessity.

“Love is not about finding the right person, but about becoming the right person.”

The final chapter ties everything together, emphasizing personal growth as the foundation for a fulfilling relationship. Love is not about perfection but about conscious, mature choices. True adulthood in relationships means showing up with integrity, vulnerability, and the Five A’s.